Kefir Cheese…SUCCESS!

This is going to be quick and dirty as:

  1. I am most filthy from yard work.
  2. I smell TERRIBLE.
  3. I have more yard work to do.
  4. I have to make pizza dough.
  5. I am clearly insane/suffering from exposure.
  6. I need a nap and/or beer.

HOWEVER, the kefir cheese was a major success!

I took a peek at it while I was taking a short break from yard work, which we started at 7 am this morning. It includes ripping out a flower bed and the garden and God help me, planting things. But it looked like this:

wpid-20140510_151320.jpgit’s definitely a thing.

Curious, I gave it a taste and despite being a tiny bit frozen (see comments) due to being in the way back of the fridge, it was DELICIOUS! It tasted like a mix between cream cheese and sour cream. I mean, it was stupid good. I had to control myself from eating it all.

To make sure I was not just delirious from sun exposure, I asked the dude who I guess I’ll marry one of these days and he thought it was great too! So either we are both delirious or it’s pretty darn good. I tried feeding the whey

wpid-20140510_151535.jpgno whey! yes whey? I’m delirious from exposure, remember?

to Angie the greyhound, but she was not particularly inclined. Ah well. Anyway, I am back off to the coal mine! I will tell you all about it later!

Kefir Cheese, I Think…

I am terrible at following directions. Just want to get that out first.

Anyway, I know I haven’t chatted much about my kefir grains, mostly because, well, they just do what they do and I make smoothies out of them. It’s not terribly exciting. Some people are ALL over them with INSANE claims, but so far I am not quite as obsessed. Also, seriously, they probably don’t cure ever disease known to man. Calm down, guys. It’s a tasty, inexpensive way to make a beverage. Yes, they will help your guts. I will say I am a firm (harharohgodthatwasterrible) believer in that.

My grains have multiplied to ridiculous proportions, I have given away at least 3 portions and have been stuck eating them to keep the population down. They’re actually tasty, like a, I don’t know, I am not a food critic, but they’re kind of sour and zingy(?) I guess. I usually just add them to my smoothie and blend it all together. I make about 2 cups at a time, one for me, one for the dude I think I’ll get married to or something. The other day I made an extra batch because my life is sometimes boring and I read about making kefir cheese from Cultured Food Life and YOU CAN ALSO BUY HER BOOK AND PAY TO BE A MEMBER AND A WHOLE BUNCH OF OTHER STUFFFFFF WOW. Okay, she does have some really good information on kefir, and I am glad she’s able to make a living off of what she does, but, um, just read some of these…They’re a little odd. I respect anyone’s opinion, but um, wow.

Anyway, why not make kefir cheese? Not like it’s going to take long or be particularly difficult. Well, unless you happen to be me. I can make anything difficult.

Without further rambling, the kefir stored in the fridge from yesterday:

wpid-20140508_075527.jpgcurds and whey…fancy smancy up in here…

Even though Donna suggested to use a coffee filter, I decided to just use a napkin to strain the kefir. Simply because I have a french press and I don’t ever have coffee filters.

wpid-20140508_075334.jpgthis will be interesting…

Now, I was all excited to redneck rig something up to hold the napkin so the whey could drain, but fortunately or unfortunately a simple solution arose:

wpid-20140508_075822.jpg*giggles maniacally*

I literally tied the “bag” to the fridge. I am a class act. So, we’ll see how this goes! Hopefully it will be tasty and fun and stuff, but Donna scares me a bit…

*edited 5/10/2014 VIEW THE SUCCESS HERE!

One more tidbit before I go! I think I should play this song at my wedding…NSFW…

Kefir Grains

Let’s just pause for a moment and enjoy this video. It’s 11 seconds. Savor it:

Wasn’t that just delicious? Ok, back to the grain version of kefir that doesn’t attack things.

Aspiring Traquilista delivered my kefir grains yesterday and I left them out overnight in milk as suggested. This morning I decided to have a look and a taste!

wpid-20140309_084706.jpgwell, it clearly is something.

She did leave me with directions, thankfully, although they weren’t difficult, I am not always clever.

Step one:

Strain

wpid-20140309_084920.jpgcheck.

Look at all those clumps! Those are the actual kefir grains, what a weird thing. Sorry, moving on.

Step Two:

Put grains back into a clean glass jar

wpid-20140309_085315.jpgfeed us, jerk!

Step Three:

Pour milk over them and cover. Leave at room temperature for 12-24 hours to ferment.

wpid-20140309_085536.jpgstill with the sage green yarn, at least it looks festive now.

I did not rinse the grains as some have suggested. I also used whole milk as I refuse to buy anything low or reduced fat. I once accidentally bought reduced fat peanut butter and then I wept for days. It tasted like vaseline. I only buy whole fat products because, let’s face it, we need fat in our diet and fat is not what makes you fat. I could post a thousand more links on that, but roll with me here. Bottom line, I am willing to trade 20 to 100 more calories for taste and satisfaction. Ok, so off the soap box. What do I have after straining?

wpid-20140309_085554.jpghi?

It’s actually thinner than I thought it would be.

wpid-20140309_085615.jpglike buttermilk

I am not sure how long she was fermenting, but it was definitely sour. It tasted like buttermilk kind of smells. Not exactly delicious on it’s own, but not bad. Just needs some help.

wpid-20140309_085757.jpgcinnamon and honey to the rescue!

The taste was much better after that, the more I ate it, the more I liked it. New food is like that, you usually need at least three or more tastes before you can decide whether you like it or not. Tomorrow I am going to try it in a smoothie!

Amaryllis is Awake! And Some Updates. And goofy videos.

Good morning! The sun is shining, the birds are at the feeder, the amaryllis is in bloom!

wpid-20140307_071409.jpgif you don’t think that is beautiful, go see a doctor

So far two of the six rumored flowers are up! I’m tickled! Also my goofy christmas cactus is producing buds AGAIN, even though it has literally flowered three times this year. It flowers, drops the flowers, goes quiet for a day or two and then WHOOP back to making buds. I don’t ask questions. Better than the misbehavior plants, the aloe vera and the seedlings.

love like yours will surely come my way…do you like Buddy Holly? PRIZE AT THE END!

Speaking of the seedlings, a few brave tomatoes have decided to stop being turds:

wpid-20140307_074555.jpgwhatever. i sow when i want! choo don’t know me!

wpid-20140307_074549.jpgjerks.

I don’t even want to talk about what a bunch of butts the bamboo is being. Not like I really even wanted to keep them, but they are just being brats! Ok, I guess I did traumatize them, but come on. Grow some roots!

On another topic, I am about to get some kefir grains. IĀ  would much rather have Kiefer Sutherland, but ya know. As Mick says:

are you a rolling stones fan? I HAVE A SURPRISE AT THE END FOR YOU!! šŸ˜€

On another topic, Aspiring Tranqulista, as she is known on Facebook; I am not going to hand out her real name like candy, is sending me home tomorrow with kefir grains. I did ask her if she had a link for me to link to, but just search for her on the FBooks, she’s there. She doesn’t blog, which is kind of a shame to be honest. She’s very clever.

Regardless, I have a bit of mixed feelings about my new children (kefir is alive) and I hope they get along with Francine. I’ll probably name them, because I am a dork. But they really do best with milk* and I don’t really like milk. For two reasons. One, I don’t like the taste. Honestly. Two, I don’t like how it’s produced. I don’t want to get on a soap box here, but I do really try to avoid eating meat and meat products as much as I can because of factory farming. I’m not going to get into it now, but ugh. But she swears by the stuff, so I am going to at least try it. Worst case scenario, I will give them to someone else. Best case, I can find some relatively inexpensive milk that is not made with tears and beatings. Ok, this got dark. Let’s brain bleach with some cute animals!

*yes, i’ve looked in to water kefir and how to change milk based to water, but as a newbie i’m going to stick with milk until i get the ball rolling…then we’ll see.

BRAIN BLEACH

the best part is how excited he gets! šŸ˜€

I am excited to try the kefir, but like I said, we’ll see how it goes. I am always willing to try new things and disregard them if I don’t like them.

Such as my regrow romaine project, I am pulling the plug on that because all the romaine did was bolt:

wpid-20140228_110734.jpgwe’re leaving!

wpid-20140228_110718.jpgi know it’s hard to see, but they went to seed.

I am going to release them to the worms. They will enjoy, I am sure! It was fun while it lasted, but I have enough house plants. I am going to hang on to the celery for a bit.

Ok, fun videos time!

Buddy Holly first, this video cracks me up every time. Listen to the woman introduce the “rock and roll specialists” it kills me every time. “If you haven’t heard of these young men, then you must be the wrong age.” Keep a nice open mind, people! LMFAO!

WARNING, NSFW AHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Next we have an under appreciated Rolling Stones song. NOT SAFE FOR WORK. DO NOT PLAY THIS WHEN CHILDREN ARE AROUND. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Alright, I’m off to the crochet sweatshop! Have a good day!