Stupid Human Tricks, Crochet Edition

I’m a huge fan of what I call “stupid human tricks”. They’re simple, go to tricks (NOT LIFE HACKS, DEAR GOD, NOT THAT) that produce awesome results. For example, this smores recipe. Stupid human trick. Easy as heck and very impressive.  Or, play this song:

instant cool points. 100000000 cool points.

I just love it. Somewhere along the line, I learned a stupid crochet trick. It’s not even new, or like, fancy, or like anything anyone hasn’t seen, but it just makes things a little fancier. It’s crocheting in the front and/or back loops of a project. Nothing major, just adds a little more texture, looks a little more advanced, ya know, a stupid crochet trick. Fun at parties. Great cook. Such a pretty face.

I made my infinity scarf working in front loops and then the back loops. I used two strands of worsted weight yarn to give it a little more thickness and a little more pizazz. That’s right, I used “pizazz” in a sentence.

i’m the worst model. I can’t smile in a photo to save my life! i don’t think i look as fat though, thankfully.

I started with chain 20, one single crochet in each (be mindful of the double strands!) I think my hook was a 7mm. Then I worked one row in the front loops and the following row in the back loops. In case you’re not familiar, I worked up a few rows in my ugliest yarn to show you.

some darn fine ugly yarn there.

see the two loops? normally, you go through both.

see what I did there? eh? front loops?

 

eh? see? back loops? ugly yarn? eh?

this yarn was a gift, I swear.

Can you see the rows forming? It’s nothing spectacular, but again, it’s just that wee little extra touch. Just something so you know it’s special.

Also, in the BMary News, I went out and got yarn for that infamous poncho.

I LOVE THIS YARN! aka brand I’M POOR RIGHT NOW!

I took a picture of the magazine, I hope that’s not some bizarre copyright problem. I mean in case you don’t know, it’s SIMPLY CROCHET (LINK TO MAGAZINE WEBSITE) and ISSUE 25 (LINK TO PURCHASE ISSUE 25) and this pattern, COWL NECK PONCHO (LINK TO PURCHASE PATTERN). If there’s still a problem, I’ll roll my eyes really hard and stomp my feet. Promise.

just stop and admire that!

I’m going with grey and my wacky neons, because, well, why not? Might as well make it a little loud, it’s a freaking cowl with a freaking poncho with freaking fringe attached. It’s gonna be loud. I’m like, 15 rows in. I cannot wait! It’s going to be a crochet sweatshop up in here!

Falling Face First Into Fall

Dear Illinois:

You’re terrible with the weather.

Love, BMary.

I believe it was, oh, two days ago, was 80 degrees and humid. And now, we are in the 50’s, if we’re lucky! Bonus if there is sunshine! Who the heck plans this stuff? I know it’s September, but seriously! Calm down, Illinois, you’re drunk. Go home, take a pill and lay down. Pluto is not a planet. How much did you drink?

Anyway, apparently it is FALL RIGHT THIS MINUTE YOU GUYS CEREALLY, RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So my husband and I hit an apple orchard and got some (duh) apples, cider, doughnuts, fudge and possibly diabetes. I can make that joke, right?

We had a great time, I completely forgot my phone at home so I have literally no pictures of this grand outing. Which, in hindsight, was all right. The place had just opened for the season, so just the store area was open. No corn maze or hay ride or petting zoo yet. Damn. Also, we’d need to borrow a kid if there was a petting zoo, because you bet your back end I’d go in there to pet the baby goats and whatnot. It’s the kind of thing you need a kid to get away with though, it’s weird to see some almost thirty year old squeeing over baby animals. That almost thirty year old being me. Don’t judge me. I like animals and I like to pet them.

I did get something productive done, however, I finished the Road Trip Scarf! I wrote about it’s beginning here and I got stalled by not calculating the right amount of yarn needed. Even after 3 skeins of 145 yard yarn, I still needed to borrow from my stash for the tassels and flowers. I went tassel crazy, not going to lie.

I PEED IN THE POOL!

I was sort of inspired by the shirt I procured the other day. Fringe is back, baby! I love fringe! So I went nuts with the tassels. Instead of weaving in any ends, I just added a few more strands of yarn and braided them together. Best idea ever. I got the buttons from my grandmother’s stash that I inherited.

I’ve also already started another version…and ran out of yarn…I am terrible at things…like counting…or making adult decisions…and portion control…and rambling…

love me some UGLY yarn! I was dying to think of a project for this yarn.

Angie helped.

Tomorrow is that husband and I’s “dating anniversary” which is silly to celebrate, since we’re married. But only freshly married. Like, we still haven’t managed to squeeze out a honeymoon yet. So we’re going to celebrate that for the last time. Probably dinner and drinks and fart jokes. You can’t go without fart jokes. Ben Franklin rolled with the fart jokes and he’s on the $100 bill.

Keeping it classy over here in Illinois,

xxxbmary

The Ridiculous Apron

Now that things are back to normal, ish, I can get back to being crafty! Whoo hoo!!

2 Mondays ago was the day I had to pick up my friend from the airport. Her flight didn’t arrive until the ungodly hour of 1pm. Which is an eternity if you are impatient like me. The house was clean, the laundry, dishes, everything done. Spotless. And here is me, nervous as heck, pacing back and forth with nothing to do. I decided to investigate my scraps pile in my sewing room, originally thinking of making something simple, like napkins or something. Anything. I needed to keep my hands busy.

When I went digging, I discovered a forgotten scrap of the most hideous, ridiculous fabric ever. If there is one thing I have a soft spot for, it’s ugly colors combined in insane and nonsensical ways. I feel like I need to adopt them. I have made more hideous pillows out of horrible ombre yarns that I can shake a stick at. And this stuff spoke to me. I bought it and made a skirt out of it. A skirt so ridiculous, that I, yes I, cannot even figure out what to wear it with. Man, it’s ugly. Awesomely ugly. One day, fair skirt. One day, I will rock you.

Right after I finished the skirt originally; I want to say this was in January of this year, the skirt was so insane I didn’t even post a picture of it; my dirty-hippie-NSA-watch-list friend whom I recently helped move came over, saw it and about died. Like, he was really jealous. At first he thought it was an apron, but when he found out it was a skirt, he was still jealous. I had forgotten I had a decent chunk of the fabric left.

Back to that Monday, waiting for the plane, I quickly text my good hippie friend that I had enough to make an apron. There was an explosion of YES PLEASE AND THANK YOU, MA’AM. Perfect! I selected loud yellow thread, got to pressing and got going.

mon Dieu

In between the beginning and the end of this apron, wedding happened. Finally, the week after, July 4th, to be exact, I actually had enough time and enthusiasm to do something besides being extremely lazy and grazing through the leftovers. I decided to crochet the ties for the apron. Off to find some ugly yarn! Whoo hoo! Ugly yarn stash!

this matched the thread the best…wait for it…

I crochet a length wide and long enough to service as ties and decided they needed to be dressed up a bit. So I decided with the ol’ reverse single crochet! Works like a champ when you just need a little something to neaten off some ends.

This is how:

deliciously ugly yarn…

You work backwards, left to right.

Right side facing, insert hook into next stitch.

Yarn over,

draw through.

Yarn over, draw through the two loops and into the next stitch!

It’s kind of weird, until you get the hang of it, but it works great for a simple, small border.

So I whipped that hideous thing out and then sewed it all together:

C’est la fin des haricots!

Needless to say, he was tickled pink and very happy with it!

moderate cursing?