The Blanket of Shame, Continues…

Silence means I am hardly at work on my WIPs. My stash busting blanket has become a quest for insanity as it continues to grow. Originally, I made it without stitch markers, which I am sure you can guess went terrible, because I am an idiot. Also, like 2 years ago. Well, it festered for a while and I really started to crack down on these past few weeks because I am so sick of seeing it laying there with a bunch of yarn in pieces too short to use for anything else. So here we are, about a foot more to go:

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Angie was trying to tell me something, something about a tennis ball…

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it’s so nice outside, don’t you want to throw the ball around? Huh? HUH???

Yes INDEED kids, the weather has broke around here! I am currently in a bikini (might be a lie) getting a tan (probably not a lie) next to an open window (totally the truth). So, as much as I’d love to stay and chat, I have a date with a stinky greyhound and her filth tennis ball. We’re going outside! 😀

Infinity Scarf and Other Problems.

Finished up my infinity scarf! As I am bored to tears of taking selfies, I had Angie model for me. She doesn’t mind at all.

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this…this will involve a treat later, right?

I made it rather thin and long so I can loop it several times around. I love the colors. It’s keeping me toasty in this beautiful Illinois freeze party.  The pattern is from, oh man, one of my first projects, a tote bag. I liked the pattern for the strap so well, I just used it to make a scarf. I decided to make this one a little tamer than my other one. Angie modeled that one as well for me. I have no idea where the original pattern is, I think it was from a book at the library, but it’s basically a double crochet decrease, increase in the middle, decrease. There’s more, obviously, but I don’t want to give out the pattern. That’s unseemly.

In hilarious news, my pants are ridiculously too big for me. The only thing holding them up is my knees, I think. I look like I am smuggling diapers. I tried on a size three sizes smaller which I had on hand, but it’s just too small still. Damn. At least my work pants are okay, they are carpenter pants and are entirely more functional than “fashionable pants.” They have pockets that work. Plus I wear long johns under them at least for now. So I guess I’ll just look silly for a little bit.

I’m up to 3.5 miles running wise, off the recovery program, YEY! So now I get to make it up as I go. I considered running farther, but I didn’t want to set myself back. I think I’ll shoot to get up to 5 miles in the next two weeks, God willing and the creek don’t rise. Just slow and steady. Maybe I’ll be back at 6 miles by summer, wouldn’t that be fabulous? Maybe then I’ll fit into my teeny tiny pants!

Back to Hooking.

Sorry, I had to use that title. It was one of those kind of things. You can’t crochet without using at least one “hooker” joke per month.

In repentance, look at the story of my life:

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In all honesty, you’re more interesting when you have food.

One of my very good friends is having a hard time right now and my repertoire of responses to that situation is either food or gift related. Having a bad day? You need an entire pie. Or…maybe just a crochet scarf? Will that do? I certainly hope so.

I hopped off to the craft store, on another unrelated mission and stopped by the yarn. I was looking for a hunter green, but I just could not find the right color. I found a very pretty skein for myself, but not what I was looking for. I knew I had some leftover grey from that infamous poncho, so I was hoping that would be all right.

I wanted to do something different and it had to be sort of unisex for this particular person, to match their style. After trying out a few swatches, I went with a front post crochet to create a ribbed texture and worked the scarf along the long edge, rather than keeping the rows short. I think it looks rather smart. Which was the goal, duh.

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 THE DUCK FACES WILL CONTINUE UNTIL I FIGURE OUT HOW TO NOT HAVE RESTING B*TCH FACE.

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I really do like the texture. I think it will look good on my friend.

Having hauled through that while watching Hoarding: Buried Alive which is the replacement for Hoarders WHICH WAS A WAY BETTER SHOW AND GOT TAKEN OVER TO SHOWCASE FAKE REDNECKS. Bunch of wannabes. There is a process for being a redneck. Convenient segue, that post is about hoarding flowers. Ugh. Anyway, while I was binge watching the show I knocked out the scarf in about 3 hours. Give or take time for snacks, of course. Can’t not have snacks. I go to the gym, so I can have snacks.

Now, of course, I am on a roll and itching to start a new project, so I whipped out my new yarn and started a scarf that I modified from another pattern entirely. I’ve made this scarf before, you’ve seen it on myself and on my stinkhound. Actually, I made it for brittlynnstalker, but I like it so much I kept it, then immediately went to the store, bought another of the same skein and made her one. We match. Duuuuh. That’s starting out rather well,

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 I think I am going to make it an infinity scarf this time.

Other than that, I’ve continued to be rather dull. Which is fine by me, I’ve had plenty of excitement for a while, thank you.

Oh, lest I forget, I did have to express Abraham’s anal glands. How fun! I put in a how to for ya. In case you ever need it. Just so you know, I did work at a vet clinic as a cleaning person when I was like 16, but I occasionally got pressed into unpleasant service, so I’ve done it before. Not like I’m not used to butts at this point in my life.

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butt.

Trouble Kitty

Over the last two weeks I have been visiting the local animal shelter looking at kitties. It made me feel better to sit with the cats, who freely roam in rooms and onto laps. I’ve been taking my time and trying to make a good decision…despite the fact that the decision had apparently already been made…

The very first visit I met Trouble Kitty. I walked to the door of Touble Kitty’s room and he bounced right into my lap, purring and cuddling and fussing, like kitties tend to do. I was shy about him, he looks very much like my dear Lucia, who I still miss terribly. So I called him Trouble Kitty (his shelter name was Lewis) and fussed with him and tried other kitties. There are three kitty rooms, older kitties, middle age kitties and kittens.

There was Rush, a handsome older devil who demanded his feet be held while being petted. There was Biggs, who had a beautiful face and a loud purr box. The was Milo, who really, really wanted to cuddle but was brand new and shy to the other kitties. I played and petted them all for hours.

This pattern continued for days, Touble Kitty always demanding that he should purr loudly at me and play and cuddle and honestly, I was drawn to him, but again, he looked so much like Lucia.

Yesterday I went in with the same pattern, older kitties first, middle age kitties next and then the kittens.  Biggs had gone home. His sister Ariel had gone home. Leader, a middle aged cat had decided I was good enough to finally pet him. Rush was mostly interested in guarding the door and belly rubs. Someone was eyeballing Rush and I told them to hold his feet while petting him. I left the woman alone with well wishes to all the kitties and especially Rush and went to see Trouble Kitty and the kittens.

As usual, Trouble Kitty (I refused to call him Lewis, except when he wasn’t being trouble) bounced right over and climbed on my shoulder. Then he did this:

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just zip it closed and we’ll be on our way! 😀 Right?? Right???

Because of course he did. Crap. So I went to the front desk and asked if I could bring in Miss Angie Pants for a three second visit, just to see how he would react to her. Angie LOVES kitties. It broke her heart the first time she met an unfriendly one. They said yes.

Off to gather the Stinkhound! I got her in the car and we bounced into the shelter. Trouble Kitty was mightily surprised to meet an italian greyhound but not terribly upset. Alright, I got the point. Write up the paperwork!

Trouble Kitty came home with Angie and I and after some exploring around, decided Angie was A-OK and then we had a grooming party. That cat has the cleanest ears now. They’ve even played a bit, but no hissing or growling or complaining from anyone.

Trouble Kitty is now Abraham, aka Trouble Kitty. He likes lazer pointers, purring, dog food and windows (aka Cat TV). He poops in his box and makes use of the scratching post. He’s making sure the crochet is comfortable.

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 It’s been a long day for a little kitty.

Falling Face First Into Fall

Dear Illinois:

You’re terrible with the weather.

Love, BMary.

I believe it was, oh, two days ago, was 80 degrees and humid. And now, we are in the 50’s, if we’re lucky! Bonus if there is sunshine! Who the heck plans this stuff? I know it’s September, but seriously! Calm down, Illinois, you’re drunk. Go home, take a pill and lay down. Pluto is not a planet. How much did you drink?

Anyway, apparently it is FALL RIGHT THIS MINUTE YOU GUYS CEREALLY, RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So my husband and I hit an apple orchard and got some (duh) apples, cider, doughnuts, fudge and possibly diabetes. I can make that joke, right?

We had a great time, I completely forgot my phone at home so I have literally no pictures of this grand outing. Which, in hindsight, was all right. The place had just opened for the season, so just the store area was open. No corn maze or hay ride or petting zoo yet. Damn. Also, we’d need to borrow a kid if there was a petting zoo, because you bet your back end I’d go in there to pet the baby goats and whatnot. It’s the kind of thing you need a kid to get away with though, it’s weird to see some almost thirty year old squeeing over baby animals. That almost thirty year old being me. Don’t judge me. I like animals and I like to pet them.

I did get something productive done, however, I finished the Road Trip Scarf! I wrote about it’s beginning here and I got stalled by not calculating the right amount of yarn needed. Even after 3 skeins of 145 yard yarn, I still needed to borrow from my stash for the tassels and flowers. I went tassel crazy, not going to lie.

wpid-20140914_145401.jpgI PEED IN THE POOL!

I was sort of inspired by the shirt I procured the other day. Fringe is back, baby! I love fringe! So I went nuts with the tassels. Instead of weaving in any ends, I just added a few more strands of yarn and braided them together. Best idea ever. I got the buttons from my grandmother’s stash that I inherited.

I’ve also already started another version…and ran out of yarn…I am terrible at thingslike countingor making adult decisionsand portion controland rambling

wpid-20140914_191215.jpglove me some UGLY yarn! I was dying to think of a project for this yarn.

wpid-20140914_162833.jpgAngie helped.

Tomorrow is that husband and I’s “dating anniversary” which is silly to celebrate, since we’re married. But only freshly married. Like, we still haven’t managed to squeeze out a honeymoon yet. So we’re going to celebrate that for the last time. Probably dinner and drinks and fart jokes. You can’t go without fart jokes. Ben Franklin rolled with the fart jokes and he’s on the $100 bill.

Keeping it classy over here in Illinois,

xxxbmary

WIP PARTY!

Despite my god-awful last couple days and my insane schedule I have been crocheting away. It’s kept my mind off of things and I’ve made some decent progress. I will admit, a stuffed-crust pizza, ice cream and a lot of Jack Daniel’s has made things easier. It’s a weird ritual. Every problem is solved with stuffed-crust pizza, whiskey and ice cream.

Anyway, I feel better. A little lonely, but better. Angie is doubling her cuddle efforts.

So here are my WIPs,

THE BLANKET OF SHAME:

wpid-20140912_074508.jpgit’s a bit of a mess, but it’s getting there.

This poor blanket, a stash buster that just would not be square. I’ve frogged quite a bit of it and reworked it. It’s square so far, thank God! Hopefully I will have it done before next year…maybe…? I made the new version a bit larger than the old version because seriously I have so, so, so very much yarn in my stash. And I’m using stitch markers! I’m a big girl!

THE…PONCHO? RUG? I DON’T EVEN KNOW AT THIS POINT:

wpid-20140912_074334.jpgalso square, thank God!

Well, I needed a new distraction and I needed it now, so for some reason I decided I wanted to do a single crochet poncho type thing. I really wasn’t making brilliant decisions at this point. I guess this would be part of the back. I dug up the yarn leftovers from this project and just whacked away at it. About at the point pictured here I decided maybe having two WIPs that were long term and single crochet was not my best idea. It might end up being just a rug or something. I’ve been itching to make a rug and it’s kind of small, but nothing some border work can’t fix. Also, I’m not sure if I have enough yarn, nor the will to purchase more of the same dye lot. That one’s on the back burner.

THE ROAD TRIP SCARF:

wpid-20140912_074243.jpgfinally, I decided to make a quick project!

This scarf is HOT on the Facebook group I follow around. I swear, 10 finished scarves get posted per day. They’re pretty darn cute, the final project and instructions are from Zooty Owl, and the link to the pattern is here. Nevermind how dull it looks right now, just go get that blog some clicks and see for yourself. They are adorable. I don’t know, nor do I have any contact with Zelna Olivier, but I think I might pay some attention to her blog. You guys first though. I haven’t been keeping up!

I’m hoping to have this guy done this weekend because my husband and I are hopping off to an apple orchard to get some apples, cider (no alcohol, promise! I’ve had enough!) and at least 15 caramel apples. I have an apple addiction, I swear. If I don’t eat them often enough, I have dreams about them. Not even kidding. I love apples. So does Angie, because she is crazy. Since she has no teeth and she doesn’t like apple sauce, I, um, well, um, baby-bird it to her. Use your imagination. How would you resist a cute pooch begging for an apple??

So I’m going to make some tea, check out your blogs, crank out a few more rows, go to work, come home, crochet til I drop!

xxxbmg

P.S. I also made a poo-necklace and snuck over to my friend’s work and shoved it under his wiper on his car. Because I’m a good friend.

wpid-screenshot_2014-09-12-09-00-28.png*snickers wildly, winks 100 times, falls down an escalator forever*