Infinity Scarf and Other Problems.

Finished up my infinity scarf! As I am bored to tears of taking selfies, I had Angie model for me. She doesn’t mind at all.

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this…this will involve a treat later, right?

I made it rather thin and long so I can loop it several times around. I love the colors. It’s keeping me toasty in this beautiful Illinois freeze party.  The pattern is from, oh man, one of my first projects, a tote bag. I liked the pattern for the strap so well, I just used it to make a scarf. I decided to make this one a little tamer than my other one. Angie modeled that one as well for me. I have no idea where the original pattern is, I think it was from a book at the library, but it’s basically a double crochet decrease, increase in the middle, decrease. There’s more, obviously, but I don’t want to give out the pattern. That’s unseemly.

In hilarious news, my pants are ridiculously too big for me. The only thing holding them up is my knees, I think. I look like I am smuggling diapers. I tried on a size three sizes smaller which I had on hand, but it’s just too small still. Damn. At least my work pants are okay, they are carpenter pants and are entirely more functional than “fashionable pants.” They have pockets that work. Plus I wear long johns under them at least for now. So I guess I’ll just look silly for a little bit.

I’m up to 3.5 miles running wise, off the recovery program, YEY! So now I get to make it up as I go. I considered running farther, but I didn’t want to set myself back. I think I’ll shoot to get up to 5 miles in the next two weeks, God willing and the creek don’t rise. Just slow and steady. Maybe I’ll be back at 6 miles by summer, wouldn’t that be fabulous? Maybe then I’ll fit into my teeny tiny pants!

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Back to Hooking.

Sorry, I had to use that title. It was one of those kind of things. You can’t crochet without using at least one “hooker” joke per month.

In repentance, look at the story of my life:

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In all honesty, you’re more interesting when you have food.

One of my very good friends is having a hard time right now and my repertoire of responses to that situation is either food or gift related. Having a bad day? You need an entire pie. Or…maybe just a crochet scarf? Will that do? I certainly hope so.

I hopped off to the craft store, on another unrelated mission and stopped by the yarn. I was looking for a hunter green, but I just could not find the right color. I found a very pretty skein for myself, but not what I was looking for. I knew I had some leftover grey from that infamous poncho, so I was hoping that would be all right.

I wanted to do something different and it had to be sort of unisex for this particular person, to match their style. After trying out a few swatches, I went with a front post crochet to create a ribbed texture and worked the scarf along the long edge, rather than keeping the rows short. I think it looks rather smart. Which was the goal, duh.

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 THE DUCK FACES WILL CONTINUE UNTIL I FIGURE OUT HOW TO NOT HAVE RESTING B*TCH FACE.

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I really do like the texture. I think it will look good on my friend.

Having hauled through that while watching Hoarding: Buried Alive which is the replacement for Hoarders WHICH WAS A WAY BETTER SHOW AND GOT TAKEN OVER TO SHOWCASE FAKE REDNECKS. Bunch of wannabes. There is a process for being a redneck. Convenient segue, that post is about hoarding flowers. Ugh. Anyway, while I was binge watching the show I knocked out the scarf in about 3 hours. Give or take time for snacks, of course. Can’t not have snacks. I go to the gym, so I can have snacks.

Now, of course, I am on a roll and itching to start a new project, so I whipped out my new yarn and started a scarf that I modified from another pattern entirely. I’ve made this scarf before, you’ve seen it on myself and on my stinkhound. Actually, I made it for brittlynnstalker, but I like it so much I kept it, then immediately went to the store, bought another of the same skein and made her one. We match. Duuuuh. That’s starting out rather well,

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 I think I am going to make it an infinity scarf this time.

Other than that, I’ve continued to be rather dull. Which is fine by me, I’ve had plenty of excitement for a while, thank you.

Oh, lest I forget, I did have to express Abraham’s anal glands. How fun! I put in a how to for ya. In case you ever need it. Just so you know, I did work at a vet clinic as a cleaning person when I was like 16, but I occasionally got pressed into unpleasant service, so I’ve done it before. Not like I’m not used to butts at this point in my life.

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butt.

Stupid Human Tricks, Crochet Edition

I’m a huge fan of what I call “stupid human tricks”. They’re simple, go to tricks (NOT LIFE HACKS, DEAR GOD, NOT THAT) that produce awesome results. For example, this smores recipe. Stupid human trick. Easy as heck and very impressive.  Or, play this song:

instant cool points. 100000000 cool points.

I just love it. Somewhere along the line, I learned a stupid crochet trick. It’s not even new, or like, fancy, or like anything anyone hasn’t seen, but it just makes things a little fancier. It’s crocheting in the front and/or back loops of a project. Nothing major, just adds a little more texture, looks a little more advanced, ya know, a stupid crochet trick. Fun at parties. Great cook. Such a pretty face.

I made my infinity scarf working in front loops and then the back loops. I used two strands of worsted weight yarn to give it a little more thickness and a little more pizazz. That’s right, I used “pizazz” in a sentence.

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i’m the worst model. I can’t smile in a photo to save my life! i don’t think i look as fat though, thankfully.

I started with chain 20, one single crochet in each (be mindful of the double strands!) I think my hook was a 7mm. Then I worked one row in the front loops and the following row in the back loops. In case you’re not familiar, I worked up a few rows in my ugliest yarn to show you.

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some darn fine ugly yarn there.

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see the two loops? normally, you go through both.

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see what I did there? eh? front loops?

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eh? see? back loops? ugly yarn? eh?

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this yarn was a gift, I swear.

Can you see the rows forming? It’s nothing spectacular, but again, it’s just that wee little extra touch. Just something so you know it’s special.

Also, in the BMary News, I went out and got yarn for that infamous poncho.

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I LOVE THIS YARN! aka brand I’M POOR RIGHT NOW!

I took a picture of the magazine, I hope that’s not some bizarre copyright problem. I mean in case you don’t know, it’s SIMPLY CROCHET (LINK TO MAGAZINE WEBSITE) and ISSUE 25 (LINK TO PURCHASE ISSUE 25) and this pattern, COWL NECK PONCHO (LINK TO PURCHASE PATTERN). If there’s still a problem, I’ll roll my eyes really hard and stomp my feet. Promise.

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just stop and admire that!

I’m going with grey and my wacky neons, because, well, why not? Might as well make it a little loud, it’s a freaking cowl with a freaking poncho with freaking fringe attached. It’s gonna be loud. I’m like, 15 rows in. I cannot wait! It’s going to be a crochet sweatshop up in here!