Better Luck This Year?

The other night, my dear husband and I hopped off to the hardware store to get supplies for starting out seedlings indoors. Last year was so dreadful. Cold, wet, windy, nothing grew. We had to BUY seedlings. After PLANTING seeds. It was horrible. All that work. ILLINOIS HATED ME LAST YEAR. We had a terrible crop, I got, maybe 5 tomatoes, about 3 peppers and my body weight in zucchini, because ya can’t upset those apparently. Ridiculous. We didn’t even recoup our loss in paying for everything. Well, we were awful busy last year as well. But STILL. I refuse defeat!

This year, A BEAUTIFUL GARDEN WILL BE MINE! Starting with grow lights!

We already had a bench and light fixtures, we just needed the bulbs and to redneck rig something up. Okay, fine, it wasn’t a true redneck rig job as we did PURCHASE a few things.

wpid-20150225_181911.jpg

a little of this

wpid-20150225_181923.jpg

a little of that

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LET THERE BE LIGHT!

Crisis 1 averted, now I took my afternoon off to plant the little seedlings. Funny story. I am excellent at hiding things from myself. Could not, for the life of me, find them. Where are they? Probably the last place I look. Obviously. That, I am not even kidding, took me an hour. I’m really good at Easter Egg hiding. *bang head here*

I scooped out some great compost from my worm bin and made mud pies. Because who doesn’t like making mud pies? Packed that into pots and planted three tiny seeds in each. In alphabetical order. Labeling them proved to be useless. I used masking tape and it just bled right off. So I’ll be singing the alphabet.

wpid-20150227_145028.jpg

this is for my future referrance

wpid-20150227_144100.jpg

found a worm egg, the brown spot towards the center

Lastly, lest you dream of me living in a winter wonderland, for those of you who maybe do not have to deal with 16″ of snow, enjoy how not pretty it is:

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pictured: not pretty.

It’s not all bad. Have some pretty pictures too:

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outside of cortland, il

wpid-20150202_082337.jpg

outside of where I work.

 wpid-20150202_075739.jpgTHIS IS WHAT IT IS LIKE TO DRIVE THROUGH. I was (obviously) the passenger. 

Is it spring yet? And, who’s starting a garden!?!

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Regrow Scallions (Take One)

get in the groove and let the good times roll, we’re gonna stay here til we soothe our soul

Way back in the day, you can ask brittlynnstalker, she knows, I was poor as dirt. Like, no sheets on the mattress on the floor, no dresser, no TV, not even a garbage can poor. We’re talking broke. Although I only overdrafted my account twice. Whew, trust me, it wasn’t easy. I have enough credit (not enough funds obviously or you’d see my jeep with WAY bigger tires) to probably buy the entire town I live in. It’s not if you can afford it, it’s if you can afford to keep it. Anyway, I was poor, but not in debt, dammit. Never been in debt. Paid for my jeep with cash.

Around this time an old friend of mined move in with me to help with rent. Real stand up guy. Crazy as the day is long, but completely a true friend. Saved my life once, no joke. Well we didn’t have heat and we didn’t have AC and we didn’t have food so it was a little weird. One day I came home from work and opened the door to him, shirtless (as was his custom, remember, no AC) brandishing a half of an onion at my face while inquiring, “Onion?”

No hello, just “Onion?”

A delightful snack.

I don’t know how I remained relatively sane. The other day, when I bought some scallions, I remembered that, being that broke and hungry and ridiculous and stupid and young. A lot of drunk as well. Don’t judge me, if you’ve ever pinched pennies that hard, sometimes you need a break. It was worth it. I’ll retire on a million if I never add to it again, and that’s not a lie either. I started a retirement fund when I was 17. My future children’s college is paid for. I’ve got stuff squirreled away, it’s just not “mine” anymore.

Anyway, right now I am in not the best economic situation, not NEARLY as bad, but I am prepared. I can’t save, but I’m not eating into my savings. And in that spirit, I looked at my bunch of scallion bulbs and thought, hey, why not see if we can get these to grow? Hopefully it will turn out better than the romaine and celery attempts. If you’re too lazy to read (I understand, I ramble a lot), they bolted and it was a dramatic failure. So here we go:

ReGrow Scallions:

I put them into a small mason jar and dumped them on the window sill. Within a day, I had quite a bit of growth. Within a week, as it is now, I have roots growing. I’m debating sticking them in dirt to see if they take off.

wpid-20141201_115859.jpgdoing…stuff…

If they bolt on me, I will be quite annoyed. If this is a success, my next attempt will be regrowing ginger.

Save your tea bags, times are hard. 😀

 

New Friends: Ghost Shrimp and a Marimo Moss Ball

I’ve been tossing around the idea of getting live plants in my aquarium for quite a while. It’s a little daunting, why mess with a good thing, right? But I found some live plant solutions that might just fit my needs.

I’ve ordered a batch of Java moss, which is essentially a weed. Unfortunately, none of the local pet huts carried the moss. The pros, for me, are that it readily grows, does not need a particular substrate and will over run your tank. Perfect! My plan is to let the moss overrun the bottom of the tank, almost like a carpet. Next, I am going to get some driftwood for it to adhere to and grow along that as decor. My rainbow rock and large pebbles will be kept moss free (damn, I have to clean them!) to provide contrast.

For today, step two of this project, I purchased some Ghost Shrimp. Ghost shrimp help groom the plants at eat leftover food/waste in the tank. With a whole carpet of moss, tank cleaning is going to have to be reworked. And who the heck doesn’t like Ghost Shrimp???

wpid-20140801_103156.jpgthey’re kind of adorable…

Back back back in the day when I worked at the petstore, we had a pet Ghost Shrimp named Hank. We had gotten a shipment of them and after they had all sold, Hank was left. We set up a little aquarium for him in the back room and it was Hank’s House. Yes, we were bored.

Hank had a beautiful life for an animal that is normally food.

Hopefully, my fish will leave the shrimp alone. I fed them when I stuck the shrimp in, so they don’t seem to be all that interested. Plus, the shrimp are pretty decent size and there are a lot of hiding spaces in my tank. Some of the shrimp have eggs, I believe they are called saddles, under them. Whoo hoo! Send in the babies!

Lastly, I also purchased a Marimo Moss ball. (DUH IT’S A PLANT AND I CAN HOARD IT!)

wpid-20140801_102828.jpgit’s fuzzy.

From what I gather, they are very hardy and continue to grow larger and larger. Also, you can propagate them. Part of my line of thought is to propagate these into smaller ones and then make little decorative aquariums, with just the balls. You can check some out online, they look amazing. I could use some jars, wine glasses, et cetera. I could even add a shrimp, PROVIDED THEY BREED SUCCESSFULLY DID YOU HEAR THAT SHRIMP??? Which I think would be super cute in a little vase. So, there’s that. More, hopefully in the future.

wpid-20140801_103339.jpg“I CLAIM THIS MOSS BALL FOR THE GHOST SHRIMP” -Hank and the Hankettes.

I will update when my java moss arrives! Whoo hoo!

Finally, Wedding Stuff!

music is NSFW

then I PROMISE never to write about it again!

THANK THE LORD IT’S OVER!!

(if you need any of the “pre-show” please click this tag: “wedding“)

Before this, there were two gigantic shopping trips for supplies. I also made aprons for my bridesmaids, the pattern was from this site, Molly’s Sketchbook and they were very easy and stunning! Let’s begin at the week of…

Day One, Monday: was to pick up my amazing and ridiculous maid of honor at the airport. She is from Florida! After showering me with gifts of flamingo related items (I collect flamingos, really, it’s pretty epic) and getting her to my home, I settled her into the guest room. We went to my aunt’s house, my aunt married us. She is ordained and goes by Ordained InterFaith Minster, Priestess. She’s all around amazing. We discussed final plans for the ceremony (here is a picture of some silly/not my style vows) I think we all got entirely too drunk later on in the evening. Aw, shucks. My dear maid of honor also gave me this STUNNING crochet blanket. Fitting as she is the crazy lady who taught me!

wpid-20140706_140916.jpgthis is half of it, it’s huge!

Day Two, Tuesday: We spent the day with my maid of honor’s parents, a little bit of shopping, I got some amazing earrings (more on them in a future post, I’m making a matching necklace), she got a beautiful bracelet, we had lunch, swam in her parents pool and a delightful dinner. We managed not to drink too much. We were good girls. Also I started the preferment for the bread. Which was like, baby heavy. Like, heavy as a baby.

Day Three, Wednesday: COOKIE APOCALYPSE. My girl and I worked hard and made eight dozen cookies. 4 dozen chocolate chip, 4 dozen sugar cookies. The recipe was from the JoyofBaking.com and were absolutely amazing!

wpid-20140625_071409.jpgwhole lotta cookies goin’ on. that lovely betsey johnson purse on the stool was from my now husband. i love her purses!

wpid-20140625_071343.jpgthis is the insanity that was my kitchen…FOUR POUNDS OF BUTTER. WE WENT THROUGH FOUR POUNDS OF BUTTER.

It went rather smoothly, we kind of worked out a system and just kept banging cookies out. Immediately after they cooled, I put them in the freezer. We sampled a few, obviously. That day, after all of that, we had the bridesmaids over for lunch and I gave them their aprons. Unfortunately, I totally forgot to take pictures of them, because, well, I was sort of busy 😉 After that was the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. Everything went smoothly and I apparently kept apologizing to the waitress that I was “hosed” as in very drunk. Which, I was, granted. Momma needed to drink to keep from pooping herself!!

Day Four, Thursday: BREAD APOCALYPSE! Oh my baby Jesus. I literally borrowed every bowl and pan I could get my hands on. Every single one. Also I went through every kitchen towel we owned.

wpid-20140624_101755.jpgthis is just the preferments, BEFORE THEY GREW.

It was insane. You see the picture above, of the island in the middle of my kitchen? Imagine that, FILLED with cut up preferments. We did 10 batches of bread, that made about 16 rolls each batch. I did a regular french bread, just yeast, flour, salt and water.

wpid-20140626_111953.jpgI numbered each bowl of dough separately so I knew what order to bake them in. Sometimes I am clever. This isn’t all of them, by the way.

After the first few rolls, my maid of honor got the hang of shaping rolls. I did write about shaping rolls, well actually I was making pitas, but same procedure without the rolling pin. So we did about 160 rolls, which looked something like this:

wpid-20140626_145721.jpgI think we filled three gigantic bags, maybe four. I don’t remember. Those are the JUMBO bags, not the measly regular gallon bags. Also, those bowls are every single person who has a bowl, loaned out to me.

Immediately, they went in the freezer with the cookies. I wanted them to taste as fresh as possible.

Day Five, Friday: Food. Lots and lots of food making. We made a romaine salad, a chickpea salad, and the boys made potato salad(s) and coleslaw(s). The tent went up.

wpid-20140627_121648.jpgtables, chairs, lots of them!

Later on, I got a semi-surprise bachlorette party, I mean I knew everyone was coming over, but I didn’t know they were bringing, um, well you know. Lots of phallic looking gag objects. I got all beaded up and we got rather silly. It was pretty much amazing. I have the best friends. Not to brag or anything.

DAY OF, SATURDAY: I threatened that one of my bridesmaids needed to carry a bucket in case I pooped myself. Also, last minute I realized I forgot to sew a part of my dress, LOL, and pushed that sucker through the sewing machine at high speed. My brother arrived to practice the music, which he wrote. Our bar, apparently a gift from one of the groomsmen, made by himself, arrived. We thought we were just borrowing it!

wpid-20140627_121620.jpgobviously we cleaned up in here before the event. And by “clean up” I mean threw everything in the garage. We covered the pink floyd poster, it was to throw us off the trail.

Everyone arrived pretty early, I was still in a tank top and jeans. Can you tell by the choppy way I am writing this, it’s all kind of a blur? Truly, it was wild toward the end there. So let’s get to the HAND MADE WEDDING DRESS…

wpid-20140628_161412.jpg.jpegin my very messy dressing room.

wpid-2014062895161550.jpg.jpegsorry, it’s blurry, I was freaking pretty much out.

I wore my grandmother, June’s pearl bracelets and ring. Earrings from the husband and necklace as well.

There are a ton more pictures, but I don’t want to post pictures with other people in them, just out of respect for them. Well, ok, one. Only because I got permission. Express permission, as he just told me:

188we’d rather be drinking…

Isn’t he a handsome fellow? TAKEN! 😀

Trust me, it all went flawlessly as I could hope, I did not cry, I did not poop myself and I drank a pile of booze. The plant hoard served as the BEST centerpieces ever, there was a lot of ohhs and ahhs over my beloved hoard. And they were essentially free! Everyone had a great time, there may or may not have been streaking (not by myself!) and in all honestly, it was so much fun, so relaxed I couldn’t have asked for anything better!

I hope you enjoyed all the pre-show, this wild ride! I am personally, very happy and very glad it’s all over so I can get back to crafting stuff! Thanks for reading! I will not be changing my name on here, so I can have some semblance of internet privacy, so it’s still bmaryglaser.wordpress.com!

Flower Hoarding

Jumping in, after cleaning the basement, guestroom and planting some flowers! I need a break! I smell terrible. The basement cleaning was like the Running of the Spiders.

I went to the gardening store to grab some “wedding flowers” aka “excuse for buying too many flowers that will come back next year so whateva.” Flower hoarding, you betcha.

wpid-20140620_120119.jpgjust to let you know, i fixed this. all by myself. no more dowel rod/flag thing for me!

I spent entirely way too much money, but hey, they should all come back next year, so let’s check out that haul!

wpid-20140621_110800.jpgcalla lilies, hydrangea, and clematis!

My plan, and I use that term ridiculously loosely, is to use these as decoration, plus my houseplant hoard in the tent and outside. So everybody has to be in a pot, so I can move them around. After the wedding, I plan to plant the hydrangeas in dirt. Like a real plant. Special plans for the clematis too!

After chasing Mr. Humphrey, the chipmunk, out of the garage (REALLY? IS THIS THE WILD KINGDOM HERE?) I got to work.

wpid-20140621_131825.jpgeverybody in a pot!

I’m going to keep them in the shade today, and tomorrow sneak in some full sun. In my opinion, it is generally a good practice after stressing everyone out with replanting to give them a break in the shade. Hopefully, they’ll grow tremendously in seven days, 2 hours and 21 or so odd minutes. Now, about the clematis…

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a HUGE clematis. Somewhere in the recently acquired pile of pictures in the basement, I have a photo of both my grandparents, Virgil Herbert and June Dorothy standing under a trellis, with the clematis blooming. It’s one of the good pictures, before their health started to decline. I did make a feeble attempt to find it, but alas, it’s still somewhere in that monster pile. Saving that for a winter job.

As I mentioned my fellow plant hoarderess, in this post, I neglected to mention that she had a clematis. Only because I couldn’t freaking remember the name of the plant. So that’s what spurred me. I saw it, beautiful and just like my grandmother’s only much smaller, on her deck. It rang a bunch of nostalgia bells in my head and I knew I had to find one. Her mother bought it for her and the tag was off, so no help there, unfortunately. Google wasn’t much better. I knew they weren’t rare or anything, so I made sure to keep my eyes open today. As you can see, success! Found one! Not the same gorgeous purple as my grandmother’s, but perfectly beautiful and a lovely reminder of her.

Also, there is another reason for such sneakiness. I am stupid independent. My dear wonderful dude I plan to marry in a short period of time is away for the weekend. Now, I had mentioned the clematis, briefly, and was kicking ideas around of where to put it with him. Alas, we have no trellis. So I knew I was going to have to redneck rig something up. Hell, naw, I ain’t paying for a damn trellis to grow weeds on! So, uh, now that it’s planted, he’ll be thrilled with my ambitious red neck rig job. Right?

Redneck Process:

  • Wander yard/house/basement for free stuff.
  • Do not care what it looks like, only if it works.
  • Be prepared to fail, maybe, or succeed ridiculously.
  • Cost, zero dollars.
  • WARNING: Others, who are not rednecks, often do not understand. Only work by yourself or other rednecks.
  • WARNING: Have beer in hand. Important to the thought process.

Firstly, I attempted to line up some tree branches we had cut down. Nope. Then I attempted to use yarn along the fence. Nope. Then I remembered the garden gate, which we had abandoned in favor of putting chicken wire around the whole thing. Ha! That’ll work! Ain’t the prettiest girl at the party, but she’ll work!

wpid-20140621_125405.jpggettin’ all fancy up in here!

I can see it from our living room window and I am very, very happy about it. If it’s deemed too close to the fence or what not, I can take the “trellis” and the plant and move it fairly easily. I’ll probably come up with something better in the future, but this works. Now I have to hose it down, super water it. A must whenever planting.

So I hop over to the hose and suddenly I realize I am being watched. By this abominable creature:

wpid-20140621_123713.jpgu totes can notz c meh.

Ugh. Baby bunnies. Good Lord, they are trouble. Nature mercifully made bunnies so that fear kills them before pain. Which means NO TOUCHING. Guys? NO TOUCHING.

Unfortunately he was directly where I intended to stand and water, the plant is over on the other side of the fence and the hose reached from this vantage. Oh, baby bunnies.

My greyhound found a whole fleet of them in a window well once. After sticking her in the house, I put on some kitchen gloves and very, very gently but quickly, chucked them out. Then the proceeded to hop directly back in. UGHHHHHHHHHHH. So then I got wise, chucked them a wee bit farther and waved my arms about my head like a whacky waving inflatable tube man…

this

…and they all scattered into the bushes. Phew.

And this little guy, wasn’t budging. I assumed if I got close enough, he’d hop off. Nope. Ugh. I poked him with a stick. I didn’t want to be there standing with a hose, freaking him out for like 10 minutes. Nope. No dice. He wasn’t having it. I poked him a bit harder and looked at his eyes to make sure he wasn’t sick. Not sick, just a turd. Eyes clear, butt fat. Okay, then little dude. Don’t freak out. Carefully I threw the hose over the fence, went around the entire house, and watered the clematis. Ugh. I’m sure his momma and his nest are close by, so no worries, guys. He was pretty fat and bright looking.

So, we’ll see how the flowers do! Hopefully they’ll be huge for the wedding! I think I’ve been on break long enough! Back to work with me!

Thoughts about Clutter, Playing With Succulents and Stuff

This week has been crazy busy! Vacation, then work, work, work, then helping my friend move and then work and now, finally, I can get something that interests me done.

One of my friends’ moved to a smaller town about 10 miles away. It stinks because we were basically neighbors and could shout fart jokes and NSA watch list keywords to each other. Like any good American. But, alas, he moved to a new place and we helped him get packed and what not. While admiring his pile of worldly processions strewn on the ground, I came to the conclusion that I seriously need to declutter my space. When I moved in with that dude I’ll be married to in 27 days and 5 hours plus or minus a few minutes we basically were two households combining. I had a full apartment of kitchen, bath, bed and living room gear as well as his. I have always thought of myself as “move ready” such as most of my clutter (pictures, memorabilia, stuff like that) is stored in boxes and labeled. I just keep dragging them around with me. I am pretty good about keeping my things organized and away, but despite not buying anything since I moved in (except a small table at a thrift store and a few odds and ends from the same store) I still feel like I have too much stuff. I need to either display my pictures or par them down. Just this year, my grandmother’s house sold and I grabbed a bunch of odds and ends from there. It was packed to the gills, let me tell you. Just stuffed. She’d been living there for decades and was a bit of a pack rat. Organized, but man, mountains of stuff. I got some great bowls, plates, odds and ends and, my God, a full jeep hatch worth of photos. No lie. Seats down and everything. Full. Those have to be dealt with.

Since I moved in, I’ve tried to work some things around, but my decorating skills include: do nothing, suddeninspirationgetitdonenow. It’s been almost 2 years now, I really need to get on it. I’m thinking this winter, when it gets cold (who wants to play inside in the summer?) I am going to go through every inch of the house and par things down. From the bedrooms, to my closet, to the basement. Sell it, thrift it, give it away. We want to start storing food in case of emergency, or ay least have a system down. We’ll have more room for beer brewing, soap making (SOON WE ARE MAKING WEDDING SOAP, I PROMISE I WILL DO A BIG POST, REALLY, I’VE MEANT TO DO THAT FOR A WHILE WE JUST ARE TWO PEOPLE WE DON’T MAKE THAT MUCH SOAP) and really get our house organized. I am a wizard at organizing, or at least I was when I was by myself. My cupboards and under my cabinets were “faced” and I had “kits” that I set up for specific tasks, like a dog/cat grooming supplies, laundry supplies, cleaning supplies all organized in bins, labeled and put away. I could tell you verbally without looking where any single item was. Now that our households have combined, it’s been daunting to try and get two houses’ worth of stuff into one organized system. So, pray for me! 😉 Coming this winter! Hopefully I will have some tips for you guys as well, my first tip is: save your shoeboxes and other decent sized boxes. They’re essentially free and work just as well as plastic bins. Plus you can knock them down flat and store them easily.

My friend who moved lived with a roommate, who is a very nice girl and just getting into the dreaded plant hoarding. She’s get herself a decent garden and even a few plants I am jealous of. I gave her one of my baby spider plants and now it’s like 17 spider plants and might have eaten the couch. I talked to her a bit today regarding aloe vera plant issues she was having and hopefully she’ll be all sorted in no time. This inspired me to clean up my plant hoard a bit! Many of my succulents have a few years on their pots and have started to get quite impressive. Some have been turds. Looking at you, sedeveria fanfare. Ya jerk. I took the turd ones and clipped them down until they are just babies again and took a few clippings from my more successful succulents and combined them into one pot. What ever decides to live, wins.

wpid-20140601_104947.jpgclockwise, the turd fanfare, mystery weird plant that used to look like a flower, senecio radican, rhipsalis cassutha, the vaguely labeled “crassula species” and sedum “coral reef”

It’d be great if they’d all grow together to be a glorious display of succulents, but this is seriously the last chance for the turd succulents. I’m not asking them to look perfect, but looking for less Pink Flamingos and more To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything. Ya know, crazy is okay, but not crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy.

My Formerly Unlucky Now Lucky Bamboo is doing splendid!

wpid-20140601_105623.jpgwe’re like, uh, Wesley Snipes in a dress? Sure…Whatever, lady.

There is still the little rogue in there, I am confident that it is a baby bamboo, very exciting! And my herb bed is finally growing things. There’s some rogue flowers in there, which I am going to leave. I guess I can pick herbs around a few flowers.

wpid-20140601_105022.jpgthe big white spot in the middle is a flower, I didn’t get a close up

wpid-20140601_105030.jpgdill and LOTS OF WEEDS

wpid-20140601_105039.jpgcilantro and LOTS OF WEEDS

I need to weed, badly, but until I know what is what, I am afraid to do it. I guess it will have to wait. Hopefully not too long, I’ve gotta have this place beautiful (or at least tolerable) in 27 days, 4 hours and plus or minus a few minutes.

On that note, I better finish making my wedding dress

Too Too Too Many Things To Do

I’m cranking away on my To Do List. I’ve got a bit of time, waiting for the garden to be watered so I figured I’d hop on and get you all up to date before I leave at noon today.

Bread,

wpid-20140521_163353.jpgI let them rise on the porch yesterday because it was deliciously warm outside!

wpid-20140521_210245.jpgmy first attempt at making hoagie and sandwich buns. the shaping leaves something to be desired…

I also made pitas and we’re taking what’s left of the vienna loaf up in the RV to the Wiz. So we’re good on bread. I have to get groceries today, which is going to be interesting.  The list of things to get is probably more processed food than I have eaten in years. Not exactly thrilled about that but I am going to try to sneak as much fruit, veg and nuts in as I can. Also, I am going to make cookies! From my brother’s secret recipe. That’s his youtube link. If you want a giggle, check out his music. It’s pretty good, he’s actually writing the music for my wedding. Nevermind his terrible singing. Oh sure, he can sight sing, which is damn impressive, but he has a bad voice. We both do. If you want to watch suicide rates jump, play me some Neil Young and get me drunk enough to sing along.

you don’t want to hear me sing this…

Regardless, the kid is a musical genius. Seriously, bring him to a party and sit him at a piano and LOLZ will abound.

So, wanna see what else I did this morning?

wpid-20140522_080711.jpgmy lazy seedlings

wpid-20140522_080822.jpgwhat survived of the tomatoes…

Since the seedlings were getting better, THANK YOU ILLINOIS FOR FINALLY GETTING YOURSELF UNDER CONTROL, YOU DRUNK, and we’re leaving, I just stuck them in the ground. We’ll see what they’ll do when we get back. I don’t have high hopes, but I didn’t want to just waste them.

wpid-20140522_083036.jpggood luck, my little fellows!

The eyesore berm is finally growing grass,

wpid-20140522_085115.jpgi can not haz eyesore?

The lilac is blooming! That was a major surprise!

wpid-20140522_083542.jpgim pretty from the back. NSFW

The calla lily is going crazy,

wpid-20140522_083510.jpgall the lilies bloomed and blossomed, jilted and they’re withering, i can’t stop them shivering, oh this world is a war. I was there for this video. I cried, not really, but shut up 😉 I am allowed to have a moment, right?

And my pussy willow is looking good!

wpid-20140522_083552.jpghere pussy, pussy, pussy, where can you be? This is safe for work, um, but, um, well it’s technically about a cat, but um, well, um, it’s from the 1930’s and um, well, just listen, ok? you won’t regret it.

And the hops are doing great! I see more beer brewing in out future!

wpid-20140522_083628.jpgI don’t have a weird song for this, surprisingly.

Speaking of beer, the wedding beer is on a second ferment!

wpid-20140522_085308.jpggot nothin’. well, you might like this but it’s a little more obvious. still 1930’s though.

It’s under a towel because light is not good for brewing beer. It’s pretty! And I did have a taste before we put it under wraps, it’s a fruity delicious beer!

Alright, everyone! I’m off to the Wiz! See you when I get back! 😀

Illinois Hates Me, So I’m Off to See The Wiz, The Wonderful Wiz of Wisconsin.

I woke up this morning to a delight:

wpid-20140516_061529.jpgi had to go out and gather the appropriate amount of WTFs

wpid-20140516_061510.jpgit was a lot. like, more than a bushel basket.

It snowed. Are you kidding me? Snowing, in mid-May. Is this a terrible joke? We just planted the herb bed and had a few little seedlings start up and we planted our garden after a terrible time getting the seedlings to grow which was DUE to the extreme wind/cold/snow/clouds that are relentless. We’ve literally had 3 nice days this year. Three. Otherwise, wind/snow/clouds/rain/cold and that’s it. I almost tore my hair out.

It has since stopped snowing, so I hope my baby plants will survive. Pretty much all I can do. I was going to tarp them, but by the time I found the tarp and some sticks the snow had died down a bit and the coffee to bulls**t ratio had to be evened out. And then I discovered my french press was cracked! Today is going great! Unable to cope, I dumped the grounds in the kettle and have been straining them. It worked, a little watery, but any port in a storm at this point.

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me get that out.

I also wanted to let you know that I will be going on vacation next week to the literal middle of nowhere. No cellphone reception. Thank God. I am not sure how many posts I am going to be able to sneak in between then and now because I am literally working til the day we leave. So, we’ll see. I want to make some bread for the trip and get some ideas of what to cook for dinners other than hot dogs and brats. Because, ugh. All with chips, I’m sure. For the record, I don’t like chips. Home made chips, sure, but store bought tastes like chemicals and tears. To me anyway. I leave next Thursday to go fishing in the Wiz (I fondly refer to Wisconsin as the Wiz. If you’ve ever been there, you’ll understand) and we are taking the in-laws RV and they are taking my terrible stinky pets. I’m sure the pets will suffer with treats being thrown at them constantly and a disgusting amount of cuddles. My brother claims that you’re not truly camping if you use a RV and I reply that I am old and fat and do not care. Also, he hasn’t been camping in years, so whateva.

The trip is usually a boys only trip, sponsored in part by that guy who I suppose I’ll be married to next month‘s place of employment but every since I strolled in, I’ve been invited. I make sure to bring my hair dryer, tons of nail polish and makeup and complain constantly about bugs, fishing and how bored I am.*

*all of that was clearly a lie

IT’S A WHOLE LONG WEEKEND OF FISHING, CATCHING A BUZZ, GOING OUT ON BOATS, COOKING OUT, GETTING MUDDY, NOT SHOWERING, SLEEPING IN, NO CELL PHONES AND PEEING IN THE WOODS*!!!!!

*RV

How is that not awesome? I have a great time every year and finally I learned how to fish, which was something I always wanted to do when I was a kid, but nobody bothered to teach me because I was a girl. Or that’s what I am going with. Sure, I would help when the adults fished, bait their hooks, take off the fish. But no one ever taught me how to do it myself, with my own tackle box and pole. I don’t know, maybe they thought I wasn’t serious.  So now I know how! At least enough to get by and I always manage to catch a buzz. We usually catch and release and eat a few of them. Can’t. Freakin. Wait.

Like I said, hopefully I’ll have a few posts between now and Thursday, but if not, I’ll be back at it when I get home Tuesday! I’m sure I’ll have a million pictures for you guys.

That’s all I really have for today, I’ve got to get more of my wedding dress done while the dude is away so I’m off to the sweatshop!

Trying to Make Sense from Nonsense in the Garden

Yesterday was a very, very busy day for us. Finally, it’s sort of maybe turning into spring. Well, actually I think we’re going to ram, back end first, straight into summer. Welcome to Illinois. Our weather is terrible. Regardless, we had to do a lot in one day. I wanted my herb bed done, we had to gather some Mother’s Day stuff. I got my aunt a fuchsia and my future mother in law a calla lily as I am obsessed with both right now.

First thing in the morning I went out to start working. I am an early riser and possibly insane. The garden looks just charming:

wpid-20140510_073137.jpgswell.

And my hopefully-soon-to-be-herb-bed looked, um, a lot like crabgrass

wpid-20140510_073113.jpgcrab people, crab people

How fun! So I started off with forking over the garden so it could be tilled. That took a good hour or so. Then I moved over to the herb bed. We also tore down the old chicken wire fence, to be replaced when we plant, hopefully on Monday.

wpid-20140511_065641.jpgi found some dirt, you guys.

wpid-20140511_065551.jpggrow, dammit!

Beer was clearly in order after that. I did make pizza dough, which I am not really good at. I don’t know why pizza dough eludes me, but I rarely make it and I really don’t love pizza that much. But the future mother in law loves it so I got it ready to make her homemade pizza today.

I did finally get a picture of the maple tree, with the rocks around it.

wpid-20140511_065559.jpgthanks for getting rid of the plastic!

The trees are finally starting to grow some leaves! This winter was just awful.

wpid-20140511_065727.jpgcrab apple, crab apple

With any luck, the pizza will turn out, the future mother in law will be pleased, my aunt will be pleased, the garden will grow, the herb bed will grow, the former berm will grow grass,  and we’ll all have a cocktail and a good time!

Playing in the Dirt

We finally got that berm knocked down!

wpid-20140504_151227.jpgtrust me, it used to be more of an eyesore

And guess what we found…

wpid-20140504_151213.jpgmore plastic!

Gross…but…

wpid-20140504_151232.jpgmore rocks!

We had enough rocks to make a full ring around our maple tree! It looks really nice! But there’s other stuff I want to show you:

wpid-20140504_143612.jpgI also found this. I think it’s a scrunchie. How, compelling…

Enough shenanigans!

wpid-20140504_142831.jpgI bought some friends!

I bought myself a lilac bush, a pussy willow and a calla lily! Whoo hoo! There was also a fuschia,

wpid-20140504_145900.jpgnext to the goofy flamingo and rain chime.

wpid-20140504_145909.jpgI love these!

wpid-20140504_145926.jpgsorry the blooms are kind of crap, it’s fresh from the store.

SO WHO HAS TWO THUMBS AND GETS TO DIG A HOLE?

wpid-20140504_142850.jpgTHANK GOD I DON’T HAVE THUMBS.

Now, I’ve dug a hole before and planted a lot of trees a lot drunker than I was while doing this. It’s not rocket science. But, of course, the yard fought with me.

wpid-20140504_143605.jpgdelightful paper stuff, I think it was originally intended to keep the weeds out.

wpid-20140504_143855.jpgoh look, gravel. LOTS AND LOTS OF GRAVEL.

wpid-20140504_144356.jpgmore gravel!

And, I kid you not, under the gravel, plastic!

DID THIS PERSON WANT TO MAKE ME INSANE?

Ok, I get it, it probably was there to trap water or something, but SERIOUSLY, do you need PLASTIC around and under your garden? Cool it, lady!

After a lot of pacing, complaining and sassing, I managed to get back to work.

wpid-20140504_145316.jpglilac, in the ground. not super impressive yet…

wpid-20140504_145321.jpgcloser inspection

wpid-20140505_092522.jpgpussy willow, in the ground, also not dreadfully impressive yet…

wpid-20140504_150252.jpgcalla lily, in the pot! Yey!!

Finally, I feel like I am getting something done with this yard, it was making me crazy! Next step, well, that is a fine question. I think I need to recover a bit from my plastic tantrum and arm flailing. Cocktail time!