No Poo Number Three “Sebum Only”

Sorry I’ve been away for a bit. Nothing interesting happened and I was busy playing with trouble kitty and working. I did managed to have a lot of fun. Fall is awesome this year, the weather is great! I haven’t had a desire to be inside. I’ll post some photos at the bottom of this, just for fun.

I’ve never been a big fan of rules. I’m a libertarian, after all. Why did the chicken cross the road? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AND AM I BEING DETAINED?

wpid-2014-10-12-19.48.25.png.pngproof that I was being an idiot with a foam finger long before miley cyrus was out of diapers!

As you may recall, I have been no poo for some time and was to the point where I was only using water to “wash” my hair. That was all fine and dandy until I became aware that my hair was kind of dry on the ends. At first, I thought a good haircut would do the trick, I used to wear my hair up all the time and thought that I had a lot of breakage from that. I’ll be honest, genetically, I have terrible hair. Thin and wispy. My mother couldn’t get hers past her shoulders. The fact that I even can mange moderately long hair is a miracle. It used to be a lot worse until I went no poo.

I got my hair cut, professionally. This was a big step for me as I am very leery of hairdressers. I’ve gotten a mommy mullet cut when I was entirely too young for such a terrible hair cut, so I have my reasons. Obviously, mommy mullet was not my intended hair cut. I have legitimately never had a good experience with a professional cut, style or color.  Anyway, the woman there did a great job. She actually just simply did what I asked her. How novel.

After that, it was still dry. Okay, fine. I dumped a bit of coconut oil on it and brushed, brushed, brushed. That helped phenomenally. Then I came across the “sebum only” concept. I paid it very little mind until I read that too much water can make your hair dry. Cue light bulb over my head.

Okay, then, let’s give it a swing. For a week I did not get my hair wet. I showered (I’m not completely disgusting) and avoided getting my hair wet. I kept it in braids, because after 4 days, I was getting pretty greasy. No one noticed. Day 8 I decided I was sick of putting my hair up so I took a nice tub soak and scrubbed my scalp. When dry, it actually looked much better, believe it or not. My ends looked much more moisturized. So now, three days since that bath, this is my hair:

wpid-20141017_104008.jpgI would call this a good hair day!

My head does smell a bit mustier than usual, but not terrible, I’m still getting the swing of this. The ends are a lot better. I am going to try to go a week and a half without wetting it. Baby steps. Also I am brushing like a madwoman and am going to ramp up how often I clean my brushes. Wish me luck!

As promised, here are some photos of my recent adventures:

 wpid-20141016_110528.jpgtrouble kitty is watching you make stool

wpid-20141010_165821.jpgour backyard red maple

 wpid-20141007_103808.jpgstarted some granny squares for a hoodie, inspired by this post.

 wpid-20141005_141003.jpganother road trip scarf for a friend

wpid-20141005_140519.jpgangie and abraham are getting along

 wpid-20140927_112558.jpgthe baby fish are getting big!! there’s four

wpid-20140930_180951.jpgstunning view i thought

wpid-20141001_075736.jpgour red maple again. such a beautiful tree.

Ok, that’s it for now! I have to go pick up a kombacha scoby for a friend. I got a lead on it and my friend wants one, so I’m off! Have a great day and I’ll be back to check on you all in a little bit!

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Falling Face First Into Fall

Dear Illinois:

You’re terrible with the weather.

Love, BMary.

I believe it was, oh, two days ago, was 80 degrees and humid. And now, we are in the 50’s, if we’re lucky! Bonus if there is sunshine! Who the heck plans this stuff? I know it’s September, but seriously! Calm down, Illinois, you’re drunk. Go home, take a pill and lay down. Pluto is not a planet. How much did you drink?

Anyway, apparently it is FALL RIGHT THIS MINUTE YOU GUYS CEREALLY, RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So my husband and I hit an apple orchard and got some (duh) apples, cider, doughnuts, fudge and possibly diabetes. I can make that joke, right?

We had a great time, I completely forgot my phone at home so I have literally no pictures of this grand outing. Which, in hindsight, was all right. The place had just opened for the season, so just the store area was open. No corn maze or hay ride or petting zoo yet. Damn. Also, we’d need to borrow a kid if there was a petting zoo, because you bet your back end I’d go in there to pet the baby goats and whatnot. It’s the kind of thing you need a kid to get away with though, it’s weird to see some almost thirty year old squeeing over baby animals. That almost thirty year old being me. Don’t judge me. I like animals and I like to pet them.

I did get something productive done, however, I finished the Road Trip Scarf! I wrote about it’s beginning here and I got stalled by not calculating the right amount of yarn needed. Even after 3 skeins of 145 yard yarn, I still needed to borrow from my stash for the tassels and flowers. I went tassel crazy, not going to lie.

wpid-20140914_145401.jpgI PEED IN THE POOL!

I was sort of inspired by the shirt I procured the other day. Fringe is back, baby! I love fringe! So I went nuts with the tassels. Instead of weaving in any ends, I just added a few more strands of yarn and braided them together. Best idea ever. I got the buttons from my grandmother’s stash that I inherited.

I’ve also already started another version…and ran out of yarn…I am terrible at thingslike countingor making adult decisionsand portion controland rambling

wpid-20140914_191215.jpglove me some UGLY yarn! I was dying to think of a project for this yarn.

wpid-20140914_162833.jpgAngie helped.

Tomorrow is that husband and I’s “dating anniversary” which is silly to celebrate, since we’re married. But only freshly married. Like, we still haven’t managed to squeeze out a honeymoon yet. So we’re going to celebrate that for the last time. Probably dinner and drinks and fart jokes. You can’t go without fart jokes. Ben Franklin rolled with the fart jokes and he’s on the $100 bill.

Keeping it classy over here in Illinois,

xxxbmary

The First Step: Java Moss

When I lived by myself, I had two enormous black couches. One was black velvet and I had found it on the side of the road. A leg was broken off, but it was nothing some boards couldn’t fix. My other one was a pull out bed that had to be 50 years old. Huge, heavy and very tired. When my then fiance and now husband and I decided to move in together, the couches had to go. Unfortunately he had to work that day, so I had to call…my brother…

 wpid-2014-08-05-08.11.50.png.pngthe dream team up in here…

After begging, threats, insults and swear words, I finally convinced him. Well, I promised to make coffee. That worked. Now, whenever more than one Glaser is in a room, it turns into a “who can make the other person pee themselves laughing first?” competition. Have you tried carrying heavy objects while laughing hysterically? Moving furniture with my brother was obviously a terrible idea.  Also, the door layout of my apartment was a terrible idea. When the front door to the building was open, it blocked my apartment’s front door and the only way around this was dragging the couches up a half flight of stairs and shoving them back down. You can see why my brother was not terribly keen on this. When the logistics of this long fart of an adventure were figured out, we both started right in. Insults, a rainbow of curses, self depreciating jokes, threats, lamentations. We were both actually working together and almost done when…the couch wouldn’t fit through building door.

Did I mention it was really hot that day? My brother was half way up the stairs, I was fussing it out the door.

We threw our arms in the air, begged God for sweet death, cursed the couch, the door, the apartment, the stairs, each other.

And then I told him a new plan (turn the couch the other direction) and I laid it out to him.

“What do you think of the plan? Should we try it?”

He looked me dead in the eye and said “Well, the first step to failure is trying.”

I lost it. I howled for about 10 minutes and finally regained my composure, told that couch to GTFO and moved on with life.

wpid-20140804_172426.jpga few feet to the left and we would’ve gotten a new fence for free. WAY TO FAIL, TREE. WAY TO FAIL.

The phrase has have several different variations throughout the years, but at the core, it’s the same. Doesn’t matter how smart, clever, awesome, pretty, nice, whatever you are. You can’t fail if you don’t try. With that in mind, I always have a Plan A and a Plan Spectacular Failure of Plan A.

JAVA MOSS

Plan A:

  • Insert java moss into tank.
  • Observe what happens.
  • Go from there

Plan Spectacular Failure of Plan A:

  • Set aside a clump of moss in a glass vessel
  • Leave in a sunny location.
  • Observe what happens.
  • Should Plan A turn into a the southbound end of a northbound cat, there will still be java moss to use when I get the problem sussed out.

wpid-20140804_123639.jpgjava moss hanging out at the factory

My darling husband purchased the moss for me and had the package sent to work. When it arrived I immediately thanked him profusely and got the moss into water. He told my I was easy to please. Well, he happens to be right. Buy me something green that grows and I’m pretty pleased. If we were all the same and had the same interests, we’d all be pretty boring.

I got home and followed my plan(s)

wpid-20140804_170842.jpgPlan A, with fish photobomb

wpid-20140804_170949.jpgPlan Spectacular Failure of Plan A, in a Big A** Beer Glass

And now we wait to see how much failure java moss I manage to accrue!

Flower Hoarding

Jumping in, after cleaning the basement, guestroom and planting some flowers! I need a break! I smell terrible. The basement cleaning was like the Running of the Spiders.

I went to the gardening store to grab some “wedding flowers” aka “excuse for buying too many flowers that will come back next year so whateva.” Flower hoarding, you betcha.

wpid-20140620_120119.jpgjust to let you know, i fixed this. all by myself. no more dowel rod/flag thing for me!

I spent entirely way too much money, but hey, they should all come back next year, so let’s check out that haul!

wpid-20140621_110800.jpgcalla lilies, hydrangea, and clematis!

My plan, and I use that term ridiculously loosely, is to use these as decoration, plus my houseplant hoard in the tent and outside. So everybody has to be in a pot, so I can move them around. After the wedding, I plan to plant the hydrangeas in dirt. Like a real plant. Special plans for the clematis too!

After chasing Mr. Humphrey, the chipmunk, out of the garage (REALLY? IS THIS THE WILD KINGDOM HERE?) I got to work.

wpid-20140621_131825.jpgeverybody in a pot!

I’m going to keep them in the shade today, and tomorrow sneak in some full sun. In my opinion, it is generally a good practice after stressing everyone out with replanting to give them a break in the shade. Hopefully, they’ll grow tremendously in seven days, 2 hours and 21 or so odd minutes. Now, about the clematis…

When I was a little girl, my grandmother had a HUGE clematis. Somewhere in the recently acquired pile of pictures in the basement, I have a photo of both my grandparents, Virgil Herbert and June Dorothy standing under a trellis, with the clematis blooming. It’s one of the good pictures, before their health started to decline. I did make a feeble attempt to find it, but alas, it’s still somewhere in that monster pile. Saving that for a winter job.

As I mentioned my fellow plant hoarderess, in this post, I neglected to mention that she had a clematis. Only because I couldn’t freaking remember the name of the plant. So that’s what spurred me. I saw it, beautiful and just like my grandmother’s only much smaller, on her deck. It rang a bunch of nostalgia bells in my head and I knew I had to find one. Her mother bought it for her and the tag was off, so no help there, unfortunately. Google wasn’t much better. I knew they weren’t rare or anything, so I made sure to keep my eyes open today. As you can see, success! Found one! Not the same gorgeous purple as my grandmother’s, but perfectly beautiful and a lovely reminder of her.

Also, there is another reason for such sneakiness. I am stupid independent. My dear wonderful dude I plan to marry in a short period of time is away for the weekend. Now, I had mentioned the clematis, briefly, and was kicking ideas around of where to put it with him. Alas, we have no trellis. So I knew I was going to have to redneck rig something up. Hell, naw, I ain’t paying for a damn trellis to grow weeds on! So, uh, now that it’s planted, he’ll be thrilled with my ambitious red neck rig job. Right?

Redneck Process:

  • Wander yard/house/basement for free stuff.
  • Do not care what it looks like, only if it works.
  • Be prepared to fail, maybe, or succeed ridiculously.
  • Cost, zero dollars.
  • WARNING: Others, who are not rednecks, often do not understand. Only work by yourself or other rednecks.
  • WARNING: Have beer in hand. Important to the thought process.

Firstly, I attempted to line up some tree branches we had cut down. Nope. Then I attempted to use yarn along the fence. Nope. Then I remembered the garden gate, which we had abandoned in favor of putting chicken wire around the whole thing. Ha! That’ll work! Ain’t the prettiest girl at the party, but she’ll work!

wpid-20140621_125405.jpggettin’ all fancy up in here!

I can see it from our living room window and I am very, very happy about it. If it’s deemed too close to the fence or what not, I can take the “trellis” and the plant and move it fairly easily. I’ll probably come up with something better in the future, but this works. Now I have to hose it down, super water it. A must whenever planting.

So I hop over to the hose and suddenly I realize I am being watched. By this abominable creature:

wpid-20140621_123713.jpgu totes can notz c meh.

Ugh. Baby bunnies. Good Lord, they are trouble. Nature mercifully made bunnies so that fear kills them before pain. Which means NO TOUCHING. Guys? NO TOUCHING.

Unfortunately he was directly where I intended to stand and water, the plant is over on the other side of the fence and the hose reached from this vantage. Oh, baby bunnies.

My greyhound found a whole fleet of them in a window well once. After sticking her in the house, I put on some kitchen gloves and very, very gently but quickly, chucked them out. Then the proceeded to hop directly back in. UGHHHHHHHHHHH. So then I got wise, chucked them a wee bit farther and waved my arms about my head like a whacky waving inflatable tube man…

this

…and they all scattered into the bushes. Phew.

And this little guy, wasn’t budging. I assumed if I got close enough, he’d hop off. Nope. Ugh. I poked him with a stick. I didn’t want to be there standing with a hose, freaking him out for like 10 minutes. Nope. No dice. He wasn’t having it. I poked him a bit harder and looked at his eyes to make sure he wasn’t sick. Not sick, just a turd. Eyes clear, butt fat. Okay, then little dude. Don’t freak out. Carefully I threw the hose over the fence, went around the entire house, and watered the clematis. Ugh. I’m sure his momma and his nest are close by, so no worries, guys. He was pretty fat and bright looking.

So, we’ll see how the flowers do! Hopefully they’ll be huge for the wedding! I think I’ve been on break long enough! Back to work with me!

Thoughts about Clutter, Playing With Succulents and Stuff

This week has been crazy busy! Vacation, then work, work, work, then helping my friend move and then work and now, finally, I can get something that interests me done.

One of my friends’ moved to a smaller town about 10 miles away. It stinks because we were basically neighbors and could shout fart jokes and NSA watch list keywords to each other. Like any good American. But, alas, he moved to a new place and we helped him get packed and what not. While admiring his pile of worldly processions strewn on the ground, I came to the conclusion that I seriously need to declutter my space. When I moved in with that dude I’ll be married to in 27 days and 5 hours plus or minus a few minutes we basically were two households combining. I had a full apartment of kitchen, bath, bed and living room gear as well as his. I have always thought of myself as “move ready” such as most of my clutter (pictures, memorabilia, stuff like that) is stored in boxes and labeled. I just keep dragging them around with me. I am pretty good about keeping my things organized and away, but despite not buying anything since I moved in (except a small table at a thrift store and a few odds and ends from the same store) I still feel like I have too much stuff. I need to either display my pictures or par them down. Just this year, my grandmother’s house sold and I grabbed a bunch of odds and ends from there. It was packed to the gills, let me tell you. Just stuffed. She’d been living there for decades and was a bit of a pack rat. Organized, but man, mountains of stuff. I got some great bowls, plates, odds and ends and, my God, a full jeep hatch worth of photos. No lie. Seats down and everything. Full. Those have to be dealt with.

Since I moved in, I’ve tried to work some things around, but my decorating skills include: do nothing, suddeninspirationgetitdonenow. It’s been almost 2 years now, I really need to get on it. I’m thinking this winter, when it gets cold (who wants to play inside in the summer?) I am going to go through every inch of the house and par things down. From the bedrooms, to my closet, to the basement. Sell it, thrift it, give it away. We want to start storing food in case of emergency, or ay least have a system down. We’ll have more room for beer brewing, soap making (SOON WE ARE MAKING WEDDING SOAP, I PROMISE I WILL DO A BIG POST, REALLY, I’VE MEANT TO DO THAT FOR A WHILE WE JUST ARE TWO PEOPLE WE DON’T MAKE THAT MUCH SOAP) and really get our house organized. I am a wizard at organizing, or at least I was when I was by myself. My cupboards and under my cabinets were “faced” and I had “kits” that I set up for specific tasks, like a dog/cat grooming supplies, laundry supplies, cleaning supplies all organized in bins, labeled and put away. I could tell you verbally without looking where any single item was. Now that our households have combined, it’s been daunting to try and get two houses’ worth of stuff into one organized system. So, pray for me! 😉 Coming this winter! Hopefully I will have some tips for you guys as well, my first tip is: save your shoeboxes and other decent sized boxes. They’re essentially free and work just as well as plastic bins. Plus you can knock them down flat and store them easily.

My friend who moved lived with a roommate, who is a very nice girl and just getting into the dreaded plant hoarding. She’s get herself a decent garden and even a few plants I am jealous of. I gave her one of my baby spider plants and now it’s like 17 spider plants and might have eaten the couch. I talked to her a bit today regarding aloe vera plant issues she was having and hopefully she’ll be all sorted in no time. This inspired me to clean up my plant hoard a bit! Many of my succulents have a few years on their pots and have started to get quite impressive. Some have been turds. Looking at you, sedeveria fanfare. Ya jerk. I took the turd ones and clipped them down until they are just babies again and took a few clippings from my more successful succulents and combined them into one pot. What ever decides to live, wins.

wpid-20140601_104947.jpgclockwise, the turd fanfare, mystery weird plant that used to look like a flower, senecio radican, rhipsalis cassutha, the vaguely labeled “crassula species” and sedum “coral reef”

It’d be great if they’d all grow together to be a glorious display of succulents, but this is seriously the last chance for the turd succulents. I’m not asking them to look perfect, but looking for less Pink Flamingos and more To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything. Ya know, crazy is okay, but not crazzzzzzzzzzzzzzy.

My Formerly Unlucky Now Lucky Bamboo is doing splendid!

wpid-20140601_105623.jpgwe’re like, uh, Wesley Snipes in a dress? Sure…Whatever, lady.

There is still the little rogue in there, I am confident that it is a baby bamboo, very exciting! And my herb bed is finally growing things. There’s some rogue flowers in there, which I am going to leave. I guess I can pick herbs around a few flowers.

wpid-20140601_105022.jpgthe big white spot in the middle is a flower, I didn’t get a close up

wpid-20140601_105030.jpgdill and LOTS OF WEEDS

wpid-20140601_105039.jpgcilantro and LOTS OF WEEDS

I need to weed, badly, but until I know what is what, I am afraid to do it. I guess it will have to wait. Hopefully not too long, I’ve gotta have this place beautiful (or at least tolerable) in 27 days, 4 hours and plus or minus a few minutes.

On that note, I better finish making my wedding dress

The Beer Yeast Poolish

If you recall, the wedding beer was quite lively and gaseous.

wpid-20140324_081203.jpgGURGLE GURGLE GURGLE *RASPBERRY*

Loud enough that it startled me several times. In the picture above, you can see a measuring cup with some blow off yeast in it. Well, waste not want not!

I decided to try and make bread out of it.

wpid-20140326_205624.jpgrather unpleasant looking, i’d say

I hunted around the internet for any advice and mostly saw “don’t” and “it makes dense bread”. Well, screw you, INTERNET, you can’t tell me what to do!

I decided to start off with a poolish. If the yeast was lively, it would grow.

wpid-20140326_205921.jpgagain, unpleasant looking

Sure enough, within a few hours we had:

wpid-20140327_101445.jpgIT’S ALIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEE!!

Perplexed with what step to take next, I put the poolish in the fridge for two days while I thought about it.

wpid-20140327_135145.jpgPoolish Day Two: imma gonna eat ur refrigerator…

A dense loaf, like sourdough, was what what the INTERNETZ told me to expect. So I decided to do an italian bread with sugar and to use milk instead of water. Unfortunately, I had to go to work so my lovely fiance was charged with shaping, final proof and baking. I left him with sage tips, such as, “if it turns into a taquilla, call a priest.”

wpid-20140329_093606.jpgi swear, i am not a taquilla! what is wrong with you?

I came home to…

Drumroll…

No, seriously, drumroll…

wpid-20140329_174849.jpgpretty sure that’s bread…

Not too bad for a first time shaping!  I’ve done worse! Seriously. Well done! Now what about the taste? If you recall, the wedding beer has raspberries in it and the yeast did have a slight raspberry smell. So we cut that bad boy open:

wpid-20140331_181809.jpgnot dense. ok, well i (bmary) am dense, but the bread isn’t

The flavor was slightly sweet and very good. It was not dense at all. I think the reason for this was that the yeast used was very fresh and the INTERNETZ was mostly discussing spent yeast, like from the bottom of the a beer after it brews. That I could see being considerably less lively. Regardless, this made very good bread! If you wanted to use spent yeast from a home brew, I would suggest feeding it much like a mother starter until it was fully awake and bubbly.

Screw saving a piece of wedding cake, we’ll save a beer thank you.

Makin’ Peanut Butter

Bless me Father, I have sinned. I have lately been eating store bought peanut butter. My shame is great. I even went so far as to purchase a wildly too expensive brand of “all-natural” peanut butter which probably contains the tears of orphans working in sweatshops. Why, oh why, was I so foolish? I used to make my own peanut butter all the time. Why was I so lazy?

NSFW (cursing)

Seriously though WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? How am I so lazy to not make peanut butter? I am a peanut butter addict. I can murder a jar of peanut butter. Hand me a banana (or just a spoon) and I will make that jar beg for mercy. And for years I made it from, guess what! Peanuts and peanut oil. Maybe some salt. Maybe a little honey or sugar. Whatever. It takes like 5 minutes (depending on how crazy you are–more about that in a sec) and the reward is PEANUT BUTTER! YEY!! Slather that on home made bread, or a banana, or just shove a spoon in. Whatever, trust me, I am in no position to judge! If you want to skip through my rambling (I can get long winded) the recipe and basic instructions are at the bottom!

You Will Need:

  • Peanuts
  • Peanut Oil
  • Food Processor
  • Clean Jar with Lid
  • Add ins (optional) such as honey, sugar, salt, chocolate, I don’t know, you pick!

Step One In Making Peanut Butter: The Hard Part

Finding Peanuts that are Just Peanuts

This is possibly the most obnoxious step. One would think of the myriad of nut related snack products, there would be a provision for people who just freaking want plain peanuts.

AHHAHAH AH HA HA HA HA.

The first time I made peanut butter, I spent 10 minutes in the Nut/Snack/Mostly Garbage aisle. I picked up a jar that looked like peanuts. It was peanuts and, well, I am not sure. Some weird oils and flavorings. Ok, I checked the next one, LIKEWISE. How fun! It’s like a depressing game of how much weird stuff is in your food that you didn’t think about! You ever read labels? I do, constantly, and I have learned to just avoid anything that needs a label. Pro tip. If you really want a LOL and a half, read a jar of “bacon bits.” I was babysitting for a friend once and I stumbled on her container of bacon bits. Well, ol’ curiosity got the better of me. It was so hilarious (to me anyway) that I took a picture. This was a long time ago, but I found it just so you can join me in the LOLz.

wpid-1383743405912.jpgTHERE IS NO BACON IN BACON BITS. ONLY ZUUL.

I mean seriously, seriously, what is all of that? Now, keep in mind, I am not trying to be judgmental, I don’t care what you eat. Sometimes I eat horrible things too. I have a once a year weakness for a Mr. Goodbar and corndogs (only at the fair!). Mostly I just try to avoid things I would prefer not to eat so I don’t feel bad when the corndog attack mode turns on.

Soooooooooooooo, back to the subject at hand here. In essence, good luck finding peanuts! Godspeed! Read those labels, there is no point of making home made peanut butter with not-real-peanuts. If you want to make this for super cheap and are absolutely insane like I am, you can:

wpid-20140327_145230.jpgOMG I THINK…THEY ARE…OMG PEANUTS!!

Buy peanuts from someone who sells them in bulk! YEY!! Real peanuts! Now, you’re going to have to shell these, if you are as insane as I am. If your double insane like me, you can make your own reusable produce bag to proudly carry them out of the store and not waste a plastic bag. This is the dirt cheap option. This entire bag was under a dollar. There are a surprising amount of peanuts in there. I only used about a quarter of the bag.

Now you have to shell them, you crazy person, you. Really, it didn’t take long, maybe about 10 minutes and I had about a cup of peanuts. You don’t want to make a ton of home made peanut butter because it won’t last forever. It needs to stay in the fridge and I usually give mine about a week to a week and a half before it needs to be done. So be honest about how much you’re going to eat in a week or so.

wpid-20140327_160511.jpgsome peanuts made a detour to my mouth hole rather than into the bowl

Step Two (or something), you need to get out the food processor. If you don’t have one, you can use a blender, but that is very obnoxious to clean (ask me how I know). My fabulous food processor was free and I think is from the War Between the States. All I did was ask on my Facebook. It’s small, but it’s a trooper and a cinch to clean.

wpid-20140327_160604.jpgit’s a wee food processor!

Grind up the peanuts to a powder. Slowly add a bit of peanut oil to the mix. The less peanut oil, the better. The mixture should smooth out and start to look like peanut butter. I prefer mine on the dryer side. This time, I will admit I added too much oil. I added about a half a tablespoon. Give me a break, it’s been a while. It still tastes great, but a little runny.

Taste the mixture. Do you want more salt? Do you want some sweetness? Add a bit of honey or salt or whatever you would like, a little at a time, blending and tasting. I prefer mine on the plain side because then I can just make toast, add the peanut butter and add honey on top and eat like a happy little bandit.

But it’s up to you. It definitely will have more of a texture than store bought. I guess the best way to describe it is that it has a bit of a grainy mouth feel that is not at all unpleasant, but don’t expect the play-doh you can get at the grocery store.

When you’re all done, put it in a jar!

wpid-20140327_161255.jpgthe bananas are terrified

Or, just eat it. With a spoon. Don’t tell anyone, though. There’s no calories if no one saw you eat it. Right??? RIGHT???? GUYS??? AM I RIGHT?????

Don’t forget to refrigerate! 😀

Home Made Peanut Butter (without rambling)

You Will Need:

  • Peanuts (one cup)
  • Peanut Oil (up to a two tsp)
  • Food Processor
  • Clean Jar with Lid
  • Add ins (optional) such as honey, sugar, salt, chocolate, I don’t know, you pick!

Grind peanuts in a food processor and slowly add peanut oil until desired consistency. Add in honey, salt or sugar to taste. Store in a jar in the fridge up to a week and a half. Makes a little under a cup of peanut butter.

The Jeep Apparently Got Jealous of the Bike and the Sewing Machine

Le sigh.

My Jeep, beloved Jeep, 1996 Cherokee Classic with

wpid-20140314_075851.jpg258,217

miles on it started complaining yesterday.

Brief aside: I saw a commercial bragging that “they had more cars with over 100,000 miles on the road than any other car company” and I laughed so hard I had to go outside, gather more oxygen in a bushel basket and then continue to laugh.

Now, I know I am a girl and I am not supposed to know anything about cars. But I can tell you a few things:

  1. I have had enough Jeep maintenance to usually have a pretty solid clue what is going on
  2. Boys, oh those precious boys, don’t know as much as they pretend to.
  3. My Jeep is old, man!

My Jeep has a name too, it’s name is Low Spark. I name everything because I probably prefer to yell at things by a name rather than as an object. It’s more satisfying to yell, “DON’T WORRY, LOW SPARK, MOMMA GONNA GET YOU SOME GAS, GIRL!” than to just growl at the gas gauge. It’s actually named after this fantastic song:

ANYWAY. So Low Spark was being cranky. I started her up the other day and she was growling and scraping at me. Well, I have had starters go bad precisely twice, so I know what a fun sound that is. But I am a bit puzzled. I SUPPOSEDLY got a new starter about 3 years ago from the World’s Drunkest and Most Sexist Mechanic. I did not go to WDMSM of my own volition, it was out of my hands and let me tell you; a bad time was had by all.

Firstly, it wasn’t the starter going bad. It wasn’t grinding, it was being lazy and starting fine after I sat on it and gave it some gas. I had to have someone drop it off while I was at work and they took it to WDMSM. So I told the WDMSM that it probably wasn’t the starter. He drunkenly (I am pretty freaking confident about the drunk part) told me it was and he had already put it in. Great. Not even three days later, Low Spark is acting a fool again. So I took it to my BELOVED mechanics, who are not SEXIST nor DRUNK and they EXPLAIN FULLY what is wrong, lo and behold, it was the distributor cap. One teensy weensy like $50 later and it was all better. What a jerk. Oh, did I mention WDMSM refused to speak directly at me? Despite the fact that I WAS HOLDING THE CHECKBOOK FOR MY JEEP and I just happened to have a MALE give me a ride. He only talked to the MALE who was not paying. Seriously, I was MAD. But, I digress.

So as I am now in another city, I couldn’t take Low Spark to my Beloved Most Excellent Wonderful Mechanic, but I took her to one of their sister stores. They seem all right, time will tell. They do look me in the eye and take me seriously, so I’ve got that going for me. We’re getting to know each other.

wpid-20140314_080110.jpgthis is how i keep the hatch of the jeep from braining me while i use it. she’s old!

I biked back home, since I hate sitting around at repair shops and would rather be a chatty cathy with you guys. Awaiting their call…

So what else? I finally finished that tunic top redo, which I made much smaller than the original. I think it looks cute! My focus was on straight seams, so I added a few that were not called for in the pattern.

wpid-20140314_082503.jpgworst selfie ever.

wpid-20140314_082907.jpgwait, this might be worse…should I flash an imaginary gang sign or something?? HOW DO YOU TAKE A SELFIE?

Obviously, there are some bits here and there that I can nitpick at all day if I wanted, but overall I am pleased with it.

wpid-20140314_083210.jpgapparently i was drunk taking this photo…BLURRY FRONT!

wpid-20140314_083159.jpgback, must’ve sobered up.

wpid-20140314_083248.jpgmade two rows of stitches for the hem, for practice, not too bad!

wpid-20140314_083320.jpgadded more top stitching to the straps and the band around the top.

wpid-20140314_083121.jpgphotobomb curtsey of the aloe vera plant

So for now I am just hanging out waiting for a call about my Jeep. I might have more misadventures later, but it’s sit around and drink tea and continue in the crochet sweatshop. I am making pretty good progress! I would say I am about a quarter of the way done! Maybe I’ll have a wedding dress by June, otherwise, I am just going to wrap myself in yarn. It’s modern art, people. #yolo #criesatnight #doesnthavemanyfriends

It’s getting weird in here without the Jeep…

Tunic Tantrums

I made a tunic! Whoot!

wpid-20140223_203848.jpgthis is a representation of how annoyed I was by the end of it.

Ok, truth time. I really, really like it. It fits great, it’s adorable, but the pattern and the instructions gave me fits! I did learn a few things, which I am going to share with you guys of course.

wpid-20140223_163313.jpgit did not include a pattern. so i had to cut my own. freestyle!

This set of instructions did not include a pattern, but as it was basically squares and rectangles, I managed all right. I just drew a few lines in the appropriate areas and cut it out. Thankfully, the bust was measured out so I knew, for sure, I was a small. The only sewing tip I ever apparently picked up from my grandmother was MAKE IT TEN SIZES TOO BIG JUST IN CASE. I was able to argue myself out of upping it a size.

wpid-20140223_165425.jpgI need to rename the sewing machine. it’s name is Rachel. No offense to Rachel’s.

The instructions included diagrams, which I found largely unhelpful.

wpid-20140223_170357.jpgyou can tell my skill level by the completely not straight seam.

wpid-20140223_185757.jpg“mom? did the book poop on the rug? is that why you are so mad?”

But I did learn things! Yeah! For one, I learned why there was a paint can opener included in my grandmother’s sewing cabinet.

wpid-20140223_180922.jpgJune Dorothy was way too practical to have put this here for no reason…

wpid-20140223_180844.jpgohhhhhh, that, that just makes too much sense.

wpid-20140223_180907.jpgeasy as pie way to turn things inside right. I knew my instinct to take “anything near the sewing machine” was the best bet.

When I first got the machine, I found a walnut picker thing. I’m sorry, I don’t know exactly what they are called, but I know you use them to pick walnuts out of shells.

wpid-20140223_180939.jpgone of these. ya’ll know it wasn’t there to pick walnuts.

wpid-20140223_180956.jpgBOOM! goes right through the sticker on thread spools.

So that is just fantastic right there. Anyway, more on the Tunic Tantrum…

wpid-20140223_171823.jpgthe back. this is how i really felt.

wpid-20140223_181522.jpgwhy would grandma have a million small weights and a 6″ ruler…oh…oooohhhhhh…

Finally, I stopped taking pictures and got to work. All in all, it took about 5 hours of tantrums, but I finished it! And it looks cute as pie!

wpid-20140223_203848.jpgsorry, angry face. long night.

I would post some close ups on the details, but I really, really did not do that neat of a job. It looks really cute, but if you get up close you can see where I should have hid some stitches there, or sewn a little straighter here. I might go back and fiddle with it, but I AM NOT DETERRED!

wpid-20140224_175035.jpgummm, yeah, I bought two more fabrics for two more tops…

I did forget thread. D’oh!

Fun With Francine – Baguettes!

Francine and I had another play date! Whoo hoo!

wpid-20140210_073632.jpgit’s a yeast party

I decided to try again with baguettes, as I tried in this post, only correcting some of my mistakes. Less whole wheat flour, more room temperature time. Again, this is loosely based on Pain a l’Ancienne from Peter Reinhart. This time, even looserly based.

wpid-20140222_080348.jpg“looserly based” – phrase made up by BMary to describe adventures in making a mess and ignoring better judgement of others

As this was a real fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants adventure, I feel that it would be okay for me to post the recipe. It’s not even close to the original.

wpid-20140223_105858.jpgcertainly worked though. yeah, baby, you eat that bowl, ya bad yeasty beasties.

Obviously, you would need a mother starter for this. If you don’t have one, well, you should make one. It’s not difficult, promise!

Francine is a whole wheat mother starter. There are as many varieties as there are types of flour. But they are basically wild yeast that you collect from where ever you choose to leave the flour/water mixture at. Don’t me intimidated. It works pretty flawlessly. Just be patient.

wpid-20140223_110034.jpgon the counter! this is like the best lazy person’s bread ever.

wpid-20140223_110347.jpguse a bench knife to cut it into strips. no shaping required!

wpid-20140223_120105.jpgbaked up decent, probably could still tweak it a bit.

wpid-20140223_134454.jpgwhat’s on the inside is what’s important.

Ok, so here we go:

2 and 1/4 C Water

3 and 1/2 C Bread Flour (or AP, whatever)

2 C Whole Wheat Flour

2 tsp Salt

1/2 C Mother Starter (that has been left at room temperature overnight)

Put water in bowl. Put starter in water in said bowl. Mix flours in gradually in said bowl. Add salt somewhere in between. Mix until consistent. Set on counter until the bread dough attempts to eat the bowl. Might be a long time. If it’s too late to bake, just chuck it in the fridge. Let it warm up an hour before you bake. Preheat oven to 500 degrees. Like really, preheat that baby. Pull out dough onto well floured workspace. Stretch dough (try not to degass it!) into a rectangle shape. Cut with bench knife into long strips. Put onto a greased pan and allow to rest while oven preheats. Put bread in oven. (NO WAY!) After two minutes, turn down the temperature to 450 degrees. Bake for another 7ish. Check to make sure bread is baking evenly and has not turned into a calculadora. Rotate if it is not baking evenly and bake another 7 minutes, or until bread is at 205 degrees and brown and delicious looking. If it turns into a calculadora, call the oven repair person or your local priest. Try to wait ten minutes before consuming all loaves. Don’t burn yourself.

This version is much less bitter than the last one, due to the reduction in whole wheat. I think my next attempt will be a boule which is fancy French speak for shaping dough into a ball. If I do attempt that, I am probably going to have to modify the proofing times. We’ll see what happens!