Dear David’s Bridal:

(I need a little rant about the bridesmaid dress I ordered for my friend’s wedding. I have my own wedding to worry about and I would LOVE to cross this clusterfart party off my list.)

Seriously, we’re about to have problems. I have visited your store in regards to my friend’s wedding, gotten fitted and picked out a dress. I have called to order said dress. I have also called to order my dress again. I get your delightful spam emails regarding sales that I do not care about whatsoever. I have been hung up on, accidentally, but regardless, frustrating. If you cannot keep adequate under-paid staff to handle the load of over-paying customers, maybe you should hire more or pay them better. You certainly dug right into my pockets without a problem and you have thus far failed to deliver on your side of the bargain. It’s been months, pet. I’m lonely. I’ve parted with my money and am still empty handed. I have ordered my dress a third time. I am not making this up. I even called my credit card company to confirm that I only paid once. I also asked them to alert me if you tried to take another payment. That’s how much I trust you to handle things. About as much as a Nigerian Prince with a million dollars he wants me to have. I have been told it has been shipped. I have received a confirmation email. I waited three weeks after said email to call again. And yet again, I have no bridesmaid dress. At this point, I am going to her wedding naked. You don’t want that, as I will also show up to your door naked. And I will jump up and down. I called, yet again, apparently it has been just hanging out in the shop. You know, with the other dresses. Just relaxing, having a good time. Maybe a beer or two. I paid for shipping. To my front door. I can point to it. So can the delivery guy. The one outside my house at the address I have given you about 6 times. You claim it is being shipped now, and the rumor is that it will be here in seven days. It better be. Or I will call you like a forlorn ex-girlfriend.