Makin’ Peanut Butter

Bless me Father, I have sinned. I have lately been eating store bought peanut butter. My shame is great. I even went so far as to purchase a wildly too expensive brand of “all-natural” peanut butter which probably contains the tears of orphans working in sweatshops. Why, oh why, was I so foolish? I used to make my own peanut butter all the time. Why was I so lazy?

NSFW (cursing)

Seriously though WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? How am I so lazy to not make peanut butter? I am a peanut butter addict. I can murder a jar of peanut butter. Hand me a banana (or just a spoon) and I will make that jar beg for mercy. And for years I made it from, guess what! Peanuts and peanut oil. Maybe some salt. Maybe a little honey or sugar. Whatever. It takes like 5 minutes (depending on how crazy you are–more about that in a sec) and the reward is PEANUT BUTTER! YEY!! Slather that on home made bread, or a banana, or just shove a spoon in. Whatever, trust me, I am in no position to judge! If you want to skip through my rambling (I can get long winded) the recipe and basic instructions are at the bottom!

You Will Need:

  • Peanuts
  • Peanut Oil
  • Food Processor
  • Clean Jar with Lid
  • Add ins (optional) such as honey, sugar, salt, chocolate, I don’t know, you pick!

Step One In Making Peanut Butter: The Hard Part

Finding Peanuts that are Just Peanuts

This is possibly the most obnoxious step. One would think of the myriad of nut related snack products, there would be a provision for people who just freaking want plain peanuts.

AHHAHAH AH HA HA HA HA.

The first time I made peanut butter, I spent 10 minutes in the Nut/Snack/Mostly Garbage aisle. I picked up a jar that looked like peanuts. It was peanuts and, well, I am not sure. Some weird oils and flavorings. Ok, I checked the next one, LIKEWISE. How fun! It’s like a depressing game of how much weird stuff is in your food that you didn’t think about! You ever read labels? I do, constantly, and I have learned to just avoid anything that needs a label. Pro tip. If you really want a LOL and a half, read a jar of “bacon bits.” I was babysitting for a friend once and I stumbled on her container of bacon bits. Well, ol’ curiosity got the better of me. It was so hilarious (to me anyway) that I took a picture. This was a long time ago, but I found it just so you can join me in the LOLz.

wpid-1383743405912.jpgTHERE IS NO BACON IN BACON BITS. ONLY ZUUL.

I mean seriously, seriously, what is all of that? Now, keep in mind, I am not trying to be judgmental, I don’t care what you eat. Sometimes I eat horrible things too. I have a once a year weakness for a Mr. Goodbar and corndogs (only at the fair!). Mostly I just try to avoid things I would prefer not to eat so I don’t feel bad when the corndog attack mode turns on.

Soooooooooooooo, back to the subject at hand here. In essence, good luck finding peanuts! Godspeed! Read those labels, there is no point of making home made peanut butter with not-real-peanuts. If you want to make this for super cheap and are absolutely insane like I am, you can:

wpid-20140327_145230.jpgOMG I THINK…THEY ARE…OMG PEANUTS!!

Buy peanuts from someone who sells them in bulk! YEY!! Real peanuts! Now, you’re going to have to shell these, if you are as insane as I am. If your double insane like me, you can make your own reusable produce bag to proudly carry them out of the store and not waste a plastic bag. This is the dirt cheap option. This entire bag was under a dollar. There are a surprising amount of peanuts in there. I only used about a quarter of the bag.

Now you have to shell them, you crazy person, you. Really, it didn’t take long, maybe about 10 minutes and I had about a cup of peanuts. You don’t want to make a ton of home made peanut butter because it won’t last forever. It needs to stay in the fridge and I usually give mine about a week to a week and a half before it needs to be done. So be honest about how much you’re going to eat in a week or so.

wpid-20140327_160511.jpgsome peanuts made a detour to my mouth hole rather than into the bowl

Step Two (or something), you need to get out the food processor. If you don’t have one, you can use a blender, but that is very obnoxious to clean (ask me how I know). My fabulous food processor was free and I think is from the War Between the States. All I did was ask on my Facebook. It’s small, but it’s a trooper and a cinch to clean.

wpid-20140327_160604.jpgit’s a wee food processor!

Grind up the peanuts to a powder. Slowly add a bit of peanut oil to the mix. The less peanut oil, the better. The mixture should smooth out and start to look like peanut butter. I prefer mine on the dryer side. This time, I will admit I added too much oil. I added about a half a tablespoon. Give me a break, it’s been a while. It still tastes great, but a little runny.

Taste the mixture. Do you want more salt? Do you want some sweetness? Add a bit of honey or salt or whatever you would like, a little at a time, blending and tasting. I prefer mine on the plain side because then I can just make toast, add the peanut butter and add honey on top and eat like a happy little bandit.

But it’s up to you. It definitely will have more of a texture than store bought. I guess the best way to describe it is that it has a bit of a grainy mouth feel that is not at all unpleasant, but don’t expect the play-doh you can get at the grocery store.

When you’re all done, put it in a jar!

wpid-20140327_161255.jpgthe bananas are terrified

Or, just eat it. With a spoon. Don’t tell anyone, though. There’s no calories if no one saw you eat it. Right??? RIGHT???? GUYS??? AM I RIGHT?????

Don’t forget to refrigerate! 😀

Home Made Peanut Butter (without rambling)

You Will Need:

  • Peanuts (one cup)
  • Peanut Oil (up to a two tsp)
  • Food Processor
  • Clean Jar with Lid
  • Add ins (optional) such as honey, sugar, salt, chocolate, I don’t know, you pick!

Grind peanuts in a food processor and slowly add peanut oil until desired consistency. Add in honey, salt or sugar to taste. Store in a jar in the fridge up to a week and a half. Makes a little under a cup of peanut butter.

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4 thoughts on “Makin’ Peanut Butter

  1. I’m a peanut butter fiend. I eat it right out of the jar. Who needs bread? Hell, I’ll go through a jar in a couple of days. Sometimes it’s my only source of protein for the day. it’s in my emergency supplies. I feel no shame from eating it by the spoonful. But, I’m WAY too lazy to make my own… and I like the store bought stuff, again, no shame… So I buy it from the store, but I do try to make sure it doesn’t have HFCS in it because that stuff gives me migraines. I’m label reader too. KISS (keep it simple, stupid) is my motto.

    • Indeed! They put so much extra in food, it just freaks me out. You should try home made, it’s really not too hard to make. If you get bored and want something silly to do. But yeah, loving the peanut butter! 🙂

  2. I read this in a sort of bemused fascination. You see I have a nut allergy. A really bad one – as in going to die if I eat one. As in anaphylaxis. I even feel weird looking at peanuts!

    • Oh no! That is too bad! No nuts for you! It must be hard to make sure you don’t accidentally eat nuts. My brother made chocolate chip cookies for church and one person there had a nut allergy reaction, even though there were no nuts in the cookies, the chocolate chips were not made in a nut free plant. Poor kid, he was alright, but my brother felt just awful. Just awful. You be careful! 🙂

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