Falling Face First Into Fall

Dear Illinois:

You’re terrible with the weather.

Love, BMary.

I believe it was, oh, two days ago, was 80 degrees and humid. And now, we are in the 50’s, if we’re lucky! Bonus if there is sunshine! Who the heck plans this stuff? I know it’s September, but seriously! Calm down, Illinois, you’re drunk. Go home, take a pill and lay down. Pluto is not a planet. How much did you drink?

Anyway, apparently it is FALL RIGHT THIS MINUTE YOU GUYS CEREALLY, RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So my husband and I hit an apple orchard and got some (duh) apples, cider, doughnuts, fudge and possibly diabetes. I can make that joke, right?

We had a great time, I completely forgot my phone at home so I have literally no pictures of this grand outing. Which, in hindsight, was all right. The place had just opened for the season, so just the store area was open. No corn maze or hay ride or petting zoo yet. Damn. Also, we’d need to borrow a kid if there was a petting zoo, because you bet your back end I’d go in there to pet the baby goats and whatnot. It’s the kind of thing you need a kid to get away with though, it’s weird to see some almost thirty year old squeeing over baby animals. That almost thirty year old being me. Don’t judge me. I like animals and I like to pet them.

I did get something productive done, however, I finished the Road Trip Scarf! I wrote about it’s beginning here and I got stalled by not calculating the right amount of yarn needed. Even after 3 skeins of 145 yard yarn, I still needed to borrow from my stash for the tassels and flowers. I went tassel crazy, not going to lie.

wpid-20140914_145401.jpgI PEED IN THE POOL!

I was sort of inspired by the shirt I procured the other day. Fringe is back, baby! I love fringe! So I went nuts with the tassels. Instead of weaving in any ends, I just added a few more strands of yarn and braided them together. Best idea ever. I got the buttons from my grandmother’s stash that I inherited.

I’ve also already started another version…and ran out of yarn…I am terrible at thingslike countingor making adult decisionsand portion controland rambling

wpid-20140914_191215.jpglove me some UGLY yarn! I was dying to think of a project for this yarn.

wpid-20140914_162833.jpgAngie helped.

Tomorrow is that husband and I’s “dating anniversary” which is silly to celebrate, since we’re married. But only freshly married. Like, we still haven’t managed to squeeze out a honeymoon yet. So we’re going to celebrate that for the last time. Probably dinner and drinks and fart jokes. You can’t go without fart jokes. Ben Franklin rolled with the fart jokes and he’s on the $100 bill.

Keeping it classy over here in Illinois,

xxxbmary

WIP PARTY!

Despite my god-awful last couple days and my insane schedule I have been crocheting away. It’s kept my mind off of things and I’ve made some decent progress. I will admit, a stuffed-crust pizza, ice cream and a lot of Jack Daniel’s has made things easier. It’s a weird ritual. Every problem is solved with stuffed-crust pizza, whiskey and ice cream.

Anyway, I feel better. A little lonely, but better. Angie is doubling her cuddle efforts.

So here are my WIPs,

THE BLANKET OF SHAME:

wpid-20140912_074508.jpgit’s a bit of a mess, but it’s getting there.

This poor blanket, a stash buster that just would not be square. I’ve frogged quite a bit of it and reworked it. It’s square so far, thank God! Hopefully I will have it done before next year…maybe…? I made the new version a bit larger than the old version because seriously I have so, so, so very much yarn in my stash. And I’m using stitch markers! I’m a big girl!

THE…PONCHO? RUG? I DON’T EVEN KNOW AT THIS POINT:

wpid-20140912_074334.jpgalso square, thank God!

Well, I needed a new distraction and I needed it now, so for some reason I decided I wanted to do a single crochet poncho type thing. I really wasn’t making brilliant decisions at this point. I guess this would be part of the back. I dug up the yarn leftovers from this project and just whacked away at it. About at the point pictured here I decided maybe having two WIPs that were long term and single crochet was not my best idea. It might end up being just a rug or something. I’ve been itching to make a rug and it’s kind of small, but nothing some border work can’t fix. Also, I’m not sure if I have enough yarn, nor the will to purchase more of the same dye lot. That one’s on the back burner.

THE ROAD TRIP SCARF:

wpid-20140912_074243.jpgfinally, I decided to make a quick project!

This scarf is HOT on the Facebook group I follow around. I swear, 10 finished scarves get posted per day. They’re pretty darn cute, the final project and instructions are from Zooty Owl, and the link to the pattern is here. Nevermind how dull it looks right now, just go get that blog some clicks and see for yourself. They are adorable. I don’t know, nor do I have any contact with Zelna Olivier, but I think I might pay some attention to her blog. You guys first though. I haven’t been keeping up!

I’m hoping to have this guy done this weekend because my husband and I are hopping off to an apple orchard to get some apples, cider (no alcohol, promise! I’ve had enough!) and at least 15 caramel apples. I have an apple addiction, I swear. If I don’t eat them often enough, I have dreams about them. Not even kidding. I love apples. So does Angie, because she is crazy. Since she has no teeth and she doesn’t like apple sauce, I, um, well, um, baby-bird it to her. Use your imagination. How would you resist a cute pooch begging for an apple??

So I’m going to make some tea, check out your blogs, crank out a few more rows, go to work, come home, crochet til I drop!

xxxbmg

P.S. I also made a poo-necklace and snuck over to my friend’s work and shoved it under his wiper on his car. Because I’m a good friend.

wpid-screenshot_2014-09-12-09-00-28.png*snickers wildly, winks 100 times, falls down an escalator forever*

And now for something completely different.

Ever have one of those days where you want to bash your head into a wall until you stop moving?

Work was a mess. I blew a bike tire on the way to the bank.

Positives:

Going to see a friend’s brand spanking new baby! :-)

Please enjoy some pictures of me as a “groomsmen” for my friend’s lesbian wedding! I channeled my inner dyke.

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I look like my brother. Only attractive. Ok, off to see that baby! Have a good one, guys! :-)

Taking a Break

So I know I haven’t been posting much at all, and not for lack of going ons! I did work on that commercial I talked about, it went lovely. My good friend got married in a beautiful ceremony. My brother had a wonderful birthday. We’re dog sitting a very silly collie named Dolly. I discovered one of my old friends is a bee keeper. My dad is building his dream home. I’ve been crocheting away.

But I just can’t. And, here’s where I ramble and get overly personal.

Lucia the cat is better. She’s responding to fluids and the antibiotics. She getting a ridiculous amount of foods she deems tasty, chicken, tuna. She is getting a constant lap to cuddle on, as she prefers it. She purrs, she kneads. She’s has another vet appointment next Tuesday. We’re basically on kitty dialysis and it reminds me of when my mother was sick before she died in 2003. I’m just so sad and worried. Lucia has been with me, ever since I moved out of my dad’s home. I found her sitting in the passenger seat of my jeep two days before I moved. She was friendly. I took her to my new place. She was with me when I was counting change for food and gas. She had food, obviously. I never could afford to get her fixed until she was entirely too old for that nonsense. She cuddled lonely cold nights away, when the heat went out in the winter. Right next to me, like a little spoon. She does this still. She was with me when I screwed up, when I was a horrible excuse for a human. When I was mean and bitter. When I lost my grandparents to old age. When I lost my aunt to cancer. When I lost my childhood best friend to cancer. She mothered a rescued kitten that was not her own. She mothered Angie, the dog. She protected a roommate’s hampster from another dog, on of her friend’s dogs was too keen on it. Jumped right on the hamster and turned teeth and claws to the dog. She grooms Angie. She’s very tolerant of bathtime and purrs and tries to cuddle with the vets. She got out once, it was New Year’s Eve and she got into the hallway of my old apartment and a neighbor threw her outside. Despite her collar. This was before I tagged her, I figured she’d have to escape two doors. I didn’t notice because I was tired and it was late. A girl found her, right outside the window.  Thankfully, she was a friend of a friend of a friend and word got back to me. I was so happy when I took her back home. I moved shortly thereafter. She was there when my old cat, Vincent died. She called and looked for him. He was a rescue too, from a parking lot.

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My three idiots. Years and years ago. In order, Lucia, Angie and Vincent.

I love my kitty very much. Who’s going to check if my crochet is comfortable enough to sleep on?

So I’m taking a break, even though I’ve sort of been on a break. Until this is over. I will let you all know. Who knows? Maybe she’ll perk up and I’ll have a good laugh about how much of a downer I’ve been about this later on the road. Maybe I have months left with her. I don’t know. And it’s breaking my heart. Thank you for reading.

We’re on Borrowed Time.

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On Thursday evening, my old cat, Lucia,  made it quite obvious she was not feeling well. We’ve known for a quite awhile that her kidneys are slowing down. The next morning I called the vet like a forlorn ex girlfriend and rushed her in. He ran the usual battery of tests, but our initial concern was the fact that she smelled like infection. We were given clindamycin and sent home. The next morning, Lucia smelled much better and we received word from the vet that her kidneys are almost tired out. However, Lucia insists that she receive her quota and beyond of cuddles before she leaves this mortal coil. Our option is to make her comfortable by providing fluids, through an IV starting Tuesday. Since the infection seems to be clearing up and her attitude is much more lively, we are of course doing this. We’re on borrowed time, but we’re going to make the best of it. If you pray, I ask you please drop a note for a comfortable hospice for Lucia and for us, the wisdom to know when to let her go home.

She’s is currently glued to my lap (pretty typical for her, she loves her cuddles) and purring away.

Thank you, and I will keep you updated,

brittanymary.

Quick Hi!

I promise I’m not gone! Just very, very, very busy! Hope to be back to hanging out with you all by next week!!!!

Recent:

1. Dog dental problems (she’s ok! Just needed a whole lotta bad teeth out! Still eats like a cow!)
2. Fun with insurance companies! Thanks, Obama! (Do I have to hashtag sarcasm?)
3. A very gay wedding. (It was awesome! I wore a tux!)

Coming this week:

1. A straight wedding!
2. My brother’s birthday!
3. Possibly staring in a commercial…? Probably not due to not enough hours in a day…boooo!

So I’m stretched pretty darn thin here, people! See you as soon as I can!

xxxbmg

Oh Greyhound, My Greyhound

So, aside from yesterday being absolutely crazy, I had the in-laws coming over and I had to work so my morning was cleaning, afternoon was work and then hanging out with the in-laws! It’s all fun and games until the greyhound, Angie, while zooming off after a tennis ball, suddenly stops, howls in agony and is carrying her leg up close to her.

*drops beer, runs after dog*

It was six pm, which is precisely when you are least likely to find an open vet. I scooped her up, she wouldn’t put weight on her leg. I fiddled, fondled, nothing broke that I could tell. I pinched, nothing…hmm…Unfortunately, as I said, it was either take her to the vet immediately or wait til morning. If it was morning, I would have given her an hour as I could see no external injury and feel no broken bones and could pinch her toes, leg, knee and move her hips with no complaint from her. Still she wouldn’t put weight on it. And then she put just a little.

“All right, who’s the most sober?” (fortunately one of us was!)

We called the emergency vet and got ready to take her in. Then she started bouncing around like normal, mostly, just a little limp. I decided it was worth the money to not wait til morning and just take her in. I’ve seen a dog break it’s leg and no one was the wiser until the next day at the vet. The owner felt awful, she thought the dog was just a little dazed. I wasn’t risking that with my little stinkhound!

So we got to the vet and Angie was acting quite herself, insisting on sniffing everything in the waiting room. I felt better, she wasn’t whimpering or carrying on anymore. We finally got to see the vet about a half hour later. She checked her over and pronounced:

Vet: “Ah, it’s her knee, I can pop out her knee cap, I just put it back in.”

Me: “Luxating patella?”

Vet: “Um, yes.”

WELL THEN MISS ITALIAN GREYHOUND OF STINK GLORY. You big faker, you. She’s had that since she was a puppy, very mild, her first visit they caught it, the next visit, they couldn’t find it. I assumed it had righted itself, the prior vet had told me that was possible. It explains a lot, I’ve seen her limp, just barely, on and off on that leg. I’ve kept my eye on it, but she runs around like a lunatic most of the time so the occasional boo-boo isn’t exactly rare. Or she’s buried under as many blankets as she can find and asleep. She’s a 2-speed greyhound.

I am quite relived that she is all right, though, I can tell you that. I was in totally freak out mode for a minute. By the way, as I write this, she is chasing the cat, Lucia, around the house. You go, Angie, get that bad kitty.

 

The First Step: Java Moss

When I lived by myself, I had two enormous black couches. One was black velvet and I had found it on the side of the road. A leg was broken off, but it was nothing some boards couldn’t fix. My other one was a pull out bed that had to be 50 years old. Huge, heavy and very tired. When my then fiance and now husband and I decided to move in together, the couches had to go. Unfortunately he had to work that day, so I had to call…my brother…

 wpid-2014-08-05-08.11.50.png.pngthe dream team up in here…

After begging, threats, insults and swear words, I finally convinced him. Well, I promised to make coffee. That worked. Now, whenever more than one Glaser is in a room, it turns into a “who can make the other person pee themselves laughing first?” competition. Have you tried carrying heavy objects while laughing hysterically? Moving furniture with my brother was obviously a terrible idea.  Also, the door layout of my apartment was a terrible idea. When the front door to the building was open, it blocked my apartment’s front door and the only way around this was dragging the couches up a half flight of stairs and shoving them back down. You can see why my brother was not terribly keen on this. When the logistics of this long fart of an adventure were figured out, we both started right in. Insults, a rainbow of curses, self depreciating jokes, threats, lamentations. We were both actually working together and almost done when…the couch wouldn’t fit through building door.

Did I mention it was really hot that day? My brother was half way up the stairs, I was fussing it out the door.

We threw our arms in the air, begged God for sweet death, cursed the couch, the door, the apartment, the stairs, each other.

And then I told him a new plan (turn the couch the other direction) and I laid it out to him.

“What do you think of the plan? Should we try it?”

He looked me dead in the eye and said “Well, the first step to failure is trying.”

I lost it. I howled for about 10 minutes and finally regained my composure, told that couch to GTFO and moved on with life.

wpid-20140804_172426.jpga few feet to the left and we would’ve gotten a new fence for free. WAY TO FAIL, TREE. WAY TO FAIL.

The phrase has have several different variations throughout the years, but at the core, it’s the same. Doesn’t matter how smart, clever, awesome, pretty, nice, whatever you are. You can’t fail if you don’t try. With that in mind, I always have a Plan A and a Plan Spectacular Failure of Plan A.

JAVA MOSS

Plan A:

  • Insert java moss into tank.
  • Observe what happens.
  • Go from there

Plan Spectacular Failure of Plan A:

  • Set aside a clump of moss in a glass vessel
  • Leave in a sunny location.
  • Observe what happens.
  • Should Plan A turn into a the southbound end of a northbound cat, there will still be java moss to use when I get the problem sussed out.

wpid-20140804_123639.jpgjava moss hanging out at the factory

My darling husband purchased the moss for me and had the package sent to work. When it arrived I immediately thanked him profusely and got the moss into water. He told my I was easy to please. Well, he happens to be right. Buy me something green that grows and I’m pretty pleased. If we were all the same and had the same interests, we’d all be pretty boring.

I got home and followed my plan(s)

wpid-20140804_170842.jpgPlan A, with fish photobomb

wpid-20140804_170949.jpgPlan Spectacular Failure of Plan A, in a Big A** Beer Glass

And now we wait to see how much failure java moss I manage to accrue!

Shenanigan Sunday

Sunday was ridiculous, as usual. We went to breakfast with my dirty hippie NSA watchlist buddy and discusses our usual: reuse, reduce, recycle, make things and get weird. He makes candles and is doing a bang up job selling them. We stopped by at his house after breakfast, to continue complaining about the government (NSA: WHY DON’T YOU EVER CLICK “LIKE” ON MY BLOG? OR MY FACEBOOK STATUS? OR MY TWEETS? DON’T YOU THINK I’M PRETTY? CALL ME!) and I noticed he had some particularly interesting crates laying around. He offered me one, it’s a corn crate, we are in the middle of corn country. I like it, right now it’s outside, hanging with the outside things.

wpid-20140803_104051.jpgthe greyhound approves.

After that, I went to the local farm stand and bought everything:

wpid-20140803_103939.jpgnot pictured, 10# of sweet corn.

I got some local honey as well. I am dying to try the sauerkraut. Dying. Like, I might just get a spoon.

I also made another batch of cinnamon rolls for the people at the factory I work at. I like them a lot. They’re great people.

wpid-20140803_114241.jpgahoy! a fair sea of frosting!

Then we went off to the in laws and had lunch and then off to a barbeque! I had a busy Sunday! But it was a lot of fun!

I got my Java Moss today and I will be posting about it tomorrow, so stay tuned! :D